Tenyo

Hey BrokenWing I wasn't really feeling it, to be honest. There was a lot of bloodlust, and I got the idea, but there was nothing that really caught my attention ...

Hey Siona I think this piece is too safe. It seems like you've got the basics, but not much else. You've told us little about the environment or the characters, ...

Hey Dante. This poem is quite... depressing. The language is good and it's well written, but the subject in general is one that's best to avoid. Every day a lot ...

Hey Ellie :D Crucial Rule No.1: Show don't tell. This whole piece has an aweful lot of telling. You've set up the scene and included dialogue, but after that the ...

I love it! The hook on this is amazing. I don't think I've ever felt so sympathetic towards a potential serial killer before. You've introduced the main character (or characters?) ...

Hey Lil' Pet Rock (Got to love that name.) This was difficult to read, to be honest. The grammar is all over the place, so there's a lot of places ...

Hey Firefly As a general piece of a novel this is good, but as a first chapter it is full of several flaws. Fight scenes are only good if your ...

Hey Jasmine. I like this poem, the details given and the way the journey is described made me feeling like I was the one clinging to the pole, staring out ...

Hey Alles Okay, to start, get rid of the little itallicised note at the beginning. You should have more confidence in your own writing (: The description of this thing ...

Should that be Holocaust? Titles are important, so you should certainly get the titles right, if nothing else. I like the emotion behind the poem, it really drew me in ...

Umm... I like it, I really do. It just seems like there's two poems merged into one here. First is the meeting a man on the beach, and second is ...

I like the idea, but it seems a little dry. You're describing this girl as some kind of man-eater, and describing her, but not really telling why. Perhaps if you ...

Is this a joke? I assume it is. Sorry if it's not. The presentation of this alone is quite dreadful. I understand that you're new, so here's a few basic ...

Awesome! :D This was genuinly so much fun too read, and it's funny how you added a little morale to it too. "One word filled his mind, that word being ...

I'm impressed :D When I first started reading and I realised this was about a cave, I thought, 'how dull,' but this is amazing. The description you've put together is ...