Published April 14, 2010
I'm not sure about the title, it seems a bit too plain. Any suggestions for a better one would be great.
It seemed like a million years ago
the cave was formed,
Carved out of the hill by grating tides,
howling winds and crashing waves.
Eroded over time.
Tired, exhausted from the constant barrage.
It hid its entrance from the world.
Made its edges jagged,
its pathways steep and rough.
The shadows gradually merged to create darkness,
Impenetrable and compact.
One night the winds blew harder than ever before,
the waves grew and broke with the power of thunder.
They assaulted the cave until a tiny crack appeared,
high in the wall.
Suddenly the storm withdrew,
Silence reigned.
The cave, broken and exhausted, rested through the night,
the darkness enveloping it like a feather quilt.
Morning came and with it the sun.
Usually its rays fell feebly against the fortress of stone
but its defences were weakened.
A speck of light crept through the crack timidly,
delving deeper into the unknown.
As the sun rose a billion shafts of light squeezed through the rift,
illuminating the calcium streaked walls and glinting
on pebbles of hope and shells of dreams.
Unveiling beauty beneath the oily water.
As sunrise continued more was revealed,
the very rock seemed to soften,
the limestone murmured.
And now the crashing waves were gentle caresses,
lapping softly and hesitantly against rugged banks.
The howling winds were warm breaths on rough skin.
Silence remained, but so did light.
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the first thing i noticed was the images and pictures that sub-concieously came into my head, i was very impressed. the cave seemed to be like a tamed beast in the end. the ending was quite good too, like a mellow ending to soften the poem. good balance
This is really good, I like it. I recently went caving and you described everything perfectly. I also really like the part about the "Illuminating the calcium streaked walls and glinting on pebbles of hope and shells of dreams."
It seemed really sweet and cute.
Kudos
Biffle
I'm impressed
When I first started reading and I realised this was about a cave, I thought, 'how dull,' but this is amazing. The description you've put together is so clear, while the language and the way you've written it is quite beautiful.
I especially like the sudden silence in the third verse. Reading it a second time over, it kind of brings the whole poem to a pause for a moment.
Unfortunately, I can't offer any constructive critisism, just that if you can put so much life and enchantment into a cave, you've got some awesome talent.
Keep it up
-Ten
You did a great job writing this. There are some ways you can improve the grammar, though.
For one, there's this.
When using enjambment, don't capitalize the beginning letter of the next line.
Hi this seemed like more of a story than a poem but it was good and i liked the images. as i read along i expected a dramatic ending with some great meaning but the end was more of an anticlimax
i loved those two lines