Teague

Glad to see someone finally took my advice! Sometimes I feel like I'm explaining things to a brick wall. :roll: Wow! Much better. Sucked me in like a bloody black ...

Is this a short story or the beginning of something longer? IMO, either way, it leaves off in a bad spot. Plus it moves too quickly. I hardly have an ...

A bit better than your usual work, but still lacking in BACKUP! You can't argue anything on sheer opinion. I could argue how McDonalds, Myspace, Starbucks, and Wal-Mart are going ...

This seems more like an outline than an actual piece of work, my friend. ;) First of all, you don't back anything up, which leads to propaganda. Do some research, ...

Everyone knows the government lies. It's really common knowledge. Now I'm going to nitpick your grammar, since Bloo didn't. You have an issue with too many commas. Commas are used ...

Hi there! Don't think I've seen you around before! =D You get a cookie for writing in present-tense. Mucho coolio. It is dark when they come. As if the new ...

Hi there! Welcome to YWS! We have this itty-bitty rule here concerning literary works. New members are asked to critique at least two other works before posting their own stuff; ...

Well, I can definitely say I like your ending. You've got good direction and good promise. With that said! You need to focus more on showing and not telling. A ...

No, there isn't a fourth......it's a trilogy. 'The Golden Compass' is the film version of 'Northern Lights' that is due for release soonish. Must be a different title then, like ...

Ooh. Interesting. It was a bit clunky, but I absolutely LOVE the concept. Let me point out a few patches that can use smoothing: No one ever heard a peep ...

Dun dun duuuuuuun. Interesting concept. However, this is really short. I mean, I like this, I just think it could be better if you made it longer. Expanded it a ...

I hate the beginning. It feels so cliche. "There I was... I was at the dentist when it happened..." UGH! Find something else! >.< Aside from that, this was FANTASTIC. ...

Erm, I'm confused. This is very short, even by flash fiction standards. This is only 165 words, and most flash fiction ranges from 250-1,000 words. There's really nothing but dialogue ...

It took me twelve hours... mostly because I fell asleep for at least three and made frequent soda/cookie breaks. I thought it was brilliant. I cried, I'll admit. I would ...

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. It been a hard night earlier, the human assault was devastating, but we survived. We lost countless many, but we killed or captured ...