Published July 25, 2007
Here is my first ever piece of flash fiction....i really think YWS should has a flash fiction section....anyway tell me what u think.
“I wish that I could go back in time,” the girl said dreamily, “I could change the past.”
“That’s impossible” the boy said, “Assuming you even found a way to go back in time, you would almost immediately cease to have ever existed.”
“You spend too much time dreaming anyway, if you would just think rationally for once you would realize that things like time travel couldn’t exist in reality”
“It seems,” the girl started, “It seems that the problem with this world is that reality just obscures true existence”
“But without reality there wouldn’t be existence” the boy said.
“Do we exist?” the girl asked with an inexplicably mischievous look in her eye.
“Of course,” said the boy “Don’t be absurd”
Just then, Lucy woke with quite a start and stared into the oblivion that was the darkness of the night. It must have been a nightmare she thought, but couldn’t for the life of her remember its contents.
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140,287 Literary Works • 673,074 Reviews
Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
So, I understand that this was meant to be a flash fiction piece, but even then, I think it is too short to actually count as a story. We do not have enough content to actually analyze or interpret and it just ends up as a confusing piece, because the limited information does not really help us formulate any idea of what the story is about.
Most of the times, you don't even end your dialogues with a period. You really need to finish your sentences with a full stop, otherwise it stands incomplete. Also, the formatting and the lack of punctuation adds to the confusion of the readers as they become more unsure of what to treat this piece as.
I liked the fact that you kept the identity of the characters anonymous. It adds an element of mystery to the story and draws more focus on the conversation they are having. However, at the same time, it contributes to the confusion as well, because on reaching the ending, the readers are left wondering whether this entire scene was a dream and who the girl and the boy were and how they were connected to Lucy. It all ends up as one big jumbled mess, and we cannot understand what exactly was the point behind the story.
This short piece of a conversation between the characters was interesting though, and I liked how casually they were discussing matters that determine the inexplicability of life. There was a genuine hint of curiosity in both their voices and it at once draws your attention and makes you want to listen more.
However, like I said, the problem with this story is its incredibly short length. You could have gone a lot of different ways with this. For example, instead of making it simply about the dialogues, you could have actually included some thoughts or observations or descriptions. It would have helped establish the story more firmly and it would have expanded it into something more than just a short confusing moment. Or maybe, you can prolong the conversation or end the story in a way that does not leave the readers confused.
Either way, this story is a little incomplete. With more content, I am sure it will work a whole lot better and your readers will be more intrigued by the story.
Keep writing and have a great day!
could be a dystopian setting, I suppose.
But not at all in my tastes..
I was confused. Was she in the future of something? There was a lot of dialouge, I used to make that mistake a lot. It would be good if you could write more, add some more detail about the setting, their feelings and what's actually going on.
Erm, I'm confused.
This is very short, even by flash fiction standards. This is only 165 words, and most flash fiction ranges from 250-1,000 words. There's really nothing but dialogue here, and a short bit of what might be considered setting at the end.
Elaborate! I mean, the dialogue is something worth pondering, but it's kind of on its own with nothing to back it up. No reason to care. No reason to keep going other than the fact that you don't have far to go.
I'd like to see this considerably longer.
-St. Razorblade
P.S.: Unrelated to your piece, but please spell out "you."