Swires

I think Claudette got most things. I love this poem, its really powerful. The rhyming of last lines just "works" Put Claudettes suggestions into practice and we have a nice ...

Get some flow into this poem so the reader can read it nicely without having to stop at harsh words.

Im loving the couplet structure, it makes it feel fluffy but the content is spooky - quite a juxtaposition.

Yeah - lots of poems. Also I didn't find the last line all that powerful.

Its very beautiful - I loved the last line. but as Claudette has mentioned before, maybe a tad vague.

Lyrics Section. On the song: A little cliche and a little vague. There doesnt seem to be a solid entity on what the lyrics are about???

Ok, Ive gone through and cleaned up some corrections- this is fairly minimalistic, comments are welcomed as are in depth crits. Ill have anything really - Its my first scifi ...

cool story Why is it cool, what did you like about it. Give some details to the writer so he can perfect what he is a good at and improve ...

Thanks for the comments, more are welcome.

Ok, Im going to end this here. Twilight - No one is being a jerk about anything, me and Scribe are having a debate about his work. My main issue ...

Ok, wipe my comment from the face of the earth earlier. I read this fully and got into the present tense. I love the concept of this, the revival from ...

this is a much more powerful redraft. The poem now works and can be understood.

Thank you Claudette for your insightful points.

Ok, number one I really don't give a damn about whether you agree or disagree. Those are my opinions about your story, you can CHOOSE whether to put them into ...

Yes, this seemed to be the result of a passing thought. I agree with Snoink - I don't think Babies are ugly either so the whole poem seems irrelevant.