Swires

Example: There was an old man from cheadle, Who slid through the eye of a needle, They thought he was cute, When he tooted his flute, But many thought it ...

It seems again rhyme is destroying the poetic flow of the entire poem. Take out the rhyme and start over.

Nice work - haiku's have limitations and you did your best considering the Haiku limits.

.... This should go into the Lounge. Non-Fiction is for essays or dissertations.

Jenna my dear you are write. This should go in the lounge or Debate Group.

Ive just noticed a spelling error. "Memories" not "memmories". (L2 P2)

At last. He'd thought it would never come...yet here it was. The magic was overtaking him. I don't like your beginning. You begin with a fragment that doesn't have effect. ...

You may want to add formatting so you get more critiques. i.e. space paragraphs.

It wasnt very poetic or contain much imagery. However it reminded me of a Hobbit song from LOTR. It was ok I guess for its genre although not my personal ...

Again I reiterate - start was good. End needed work. The last verse was a little bland for my liking and could have been made more poetic.

It didnt seem deep enough. You could have made it all ironic by making the maggots and parasites move elegantly etc... But you didnt. It was rather simple and depressing ...

I didn't like it either. It seemed to not flow, I didn't get the meaning of it and it was a little repetitive.

Yes a nice poem and I agree with Claudette. The description makes the persons seem fat in which the jeans dont fit. I would change the word "bubbled" to something ...

Yes a creepy yet wonderfully written poem. I second Fand - it may be good to go into the narrator at some point.

... Are you sure this is non-fiction? You may want to critique others work and get a feel of YWS before posting your own work.