Published December 27, 2006
I once met a man in a pinstripe suit,
From the very first day I thought he was cute.
He travels through time and space in a big blue box,
He carries a screwdriver-for opening locks.
His companion Rose was young and sweet,
When I wanted to go with them-she told me what I would meet.
So I tagged along, and helped them out,
Where was he from, what was he all about?
The slitheens, The Daleks and the Cybermen,
And the Absorbaloff who will never live again.
I’ve seen more things than you would believe,
But he was always there with a trick up his sleeve.
I’ve met K-9 and Sara-Jane Smith, who he left behind,
I’ve travelled through time and space-seen more than mankind.
I’ve been in more danger than most kids my age,
If anyone knew the truth, we’d all be put in a cage!
Raxacoricofallapatorious the place I want to see,
With great huge monsters with massive claws-out to get ME!
He’s the man who knows it all,
If you’re faced with a Robot then give him a call,
But if you’re ill, then it’s the wrong man,
Sickness he can’t do but Abnormal he can!
For he is THE DOCTOR!
Please reply and be nice(lol)
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Hahaha, this was cute. Not that I really watch Dr. Who (only saw one episode) but I like the dedication you put in this poem.
I like the rhyming for the most part. Listen to Shadowtwit for some advice on the rhymes, especially this:
I once met a man in a pinstripe suit,
From the very first day I thought he was cute.
That rhyme was very forced.
And, if you need to find some better words to rhyme with, use this website: http://www.rhymezone.com/ . It's very helpful with that stuff.
Anyway, have fun watching Dr. Who.
I'll put it plainly:
You're 12 years old and you've got some faulty ideas about what poetry is. Once you manage to get past these preconceptions , you can begin to truly write.
Yeah, take out the rhyming, or make it better. I drool over good rhymes, but this was too forced in some parts.
Like here:
This bit was just a bit... ew. Forced.
But if you can find a rhyme for Raxacorricofallapatorious, then you WILL be clever.
And Sara-Jane is spelled Sarah Jane.
I don't get why you have these little dashes sprinkled over the place.
PLEASE take the second line out. I'm hoping it was just there for the rhyme, but find another one.
slitheens should be capitalized, and nix the s; thus, The Slitheen. As it's a family name, it needs to have a capital, and no s.
And - nit-picky here - isn't Absorbaloff spelt with a z? I think it is, but I'm not sure.
All that aside, this was good! Never seen a poem like this before on YWS, and it's better than anything I could write.
hmmm...okay, so I was trying hard to make it rhyme...but i like my poems to rhyme...ill try it againwith out the rhyme! x
I like it! I watch Doctor Who as well though not as big a fan as most:) The only thing that really caught my eye was that you seemed to be trying to hard to make it rhyme.
thanks looby-lou im lgad oyu likes it and thanks for the advice phorcys
It seems again rhyme is destroying the poetic flow of the entire poem. Take out the rhyme and start over.
Hi!
I'm surprised no ones answered this yet. It seems really good! I too am a worshipper of Doctor Who. It flowed really well in most places, here are just a suggestion that you might want to tweak:
This doesn't quite flow with the above lines, you might want to take out one of the adjectives. Maybe it's meant to be like that . I don't know.
For me, apart from that tiny bit, it was an awesome poem. Long live the doctor!
x frm lucy