SushiSashimi333

The flow went very smoothly when it came to the dialogue area, very nice. Also this time the sentences were well formed, made the story a lot easier to read. ...

Okay, this was bugging me throughout the story, each paragraph that you make is one sentence. There are not enough periods in this story and it's very distracting from the ...

This is a very nice beginning to a story, especially because you didn't start it all fairy tale like with "There once was a kingdom." I think throughout this story ...

Awwwww, the part about the ring was really sad. That was a very good way to get your message across, and the intense mood helped. So I assume that you ...

Whoa, mega cliffhanger! This plot is setup really well leading from one thing to the next. It seems like a puzzle or sudoku, when you know one thing everything else ...

Well written, especially since it's in present tense, difficult if I say so myself. I also think that the characters are really give, I guess character. I can tell what ...

I love how you explain things just right, not too much but just enough to understand. The title was also well thought out I think because it caught my eye. ...

This story is kind of like the Hunger Games but with your own twist to the plot. I do hope that this plot isn't too predictable, I love twists. Throughout ...

That's a lot of dialogue, sometimes when there's too much people get bored and stop reading. It was cool how you were able to give the characters personality without saying ...

Wow, I know that there's a message to this but one must read it several times in order to understand. I think that the flow is nice but some of ...

Your story is very interesting and easy to imagine, believe it or not. The only thing I have trouble in imagining is what the characters are like. They are given ...

This story really shows a lot about the character, that's a good thing. I like the little part about reality, pretty true from a teen's point of view, and I ...

The story is nice, heehee. But just from the beginning I can tell it all to be too predictable. Make the characters not everything they seem to be, and the ...

I love the descriptions in this, makes even me feel nostalgic. At some points in the story there are minor mess-ups with words, and I think you meant "deaf ears". ...

Wow. When I first saw the title I thought that this was gonna be funny. This was really emotional though, I could feel it. It made me sad, which I ...