Lines from an adverse human being
Gliding on a G6 without a ceiling
It's a different feeling,
Contaminated in a volt full of hatred
Being tazered with electric razors
Confusion In a knife war
when there's a lightsabour
my saviour is the beat
Infested with molested questions
No answer to my dividens
when I'm divided in a system full of shatterd hope and wisdom
My manner comes from a place
Questioned with human intelligence
Is it my negligence, that's forms
An extraterrestrial Elephant
With super powers that were
heaven sent?
Damn I'm coming from a higher perspective
my minds system
Is full of the gutter and mansions
Laid back with temper tantrums
Beautiful to the most
ugly to the few ghosts
Isn't it funny, a guy with no hurry
Acting eternally hungry
I can never die, as a man
I will prosper with countless offers
to fill my family's office
with candy and dog shit,
not literally cause literally
It's everything they dreamed
as a bein, anything money can buy
I'll surface to the question
Of a service full of YES men
To shower and bathe a glamour
Full of glitter while cutting bitter
From the family picture
If death is the Sister,
then why do I look at the mirror
full of disgust
A human blush
servicing eternal rust
It's a human crush, never being loved as your own in a place so cold
Because of our shattered souls
Can anyone be bold, to shout the echoing whispers that never be told?
Hi Abid! I'm Skye doing a review for you.
This piece is really great. As it was said before,it's a tad but hard to read because of the lack of stanzas.
Also I would like to ask what type of music this would be put to if it's meant to be sung.Personally I see it as rap,just because of the little humorous buts you threw in there and also because of the way you switch from one thing to he next pretty effortlessly.That is a real talent!!
Otherwise..nothing to say! Great job!! Skyexxx
Hi there, Abid155!
I'm going to drop you a quick review here. Because I have something really important to tell you that could help you immensely in your writing life. We all know that judging a book for its cover isn't wise... or nice, but w hen it comes to writing, appearance is really important! And that is because when most people collide with a long poem like this that is all blocked up, they automatically become lazy humans and become less eager about reading it. What I am saying is that creating stanzas would help you a lot, because a long poem without breaks is like a skyscraper without windows. And that is not attractive! xD
So that's my advice for you. Stanzas! Hope this review is helpful.
~GeeLyria
Wow, I know that there's a message to this but one must read it several times in order to understand. I think that the flow is nice but some of the things seem a little confusing. I really like this poem and I do hope there's more. There were quite a few mess ups in spelling and grammar, but when you look over them again they will be easy to fix.