Summerless

The blade pierced into my chest shedding a thousand crimson tear drops onto the ground. Tear drops is one word. I liked that part a lot. :] The blade pierced ...

I haven't ever read anything like this (content-wise and format-wise). Interesting stanza lengths and good word choice (chaste, ecstasy, navel, compulsion). Everything flows well except the first stan

The fourth stanza, lines two and four, doesn't really flow. I like how you used "fairytale glue" because it is such a cute ending even though it's kind of melancholic ...

This was pretty good. One clarification though. You ended chapter two with the phone ringing, right? Is chapter three a different day than chapter two? Or is chapter two a ...

You should space it out (between each paragraph) so it's easier to read. Else than that, this has a good start and is well written. -- Edit -- Perhaps she ...

Sounds pretty good. I think you should add an ending punctuation mark after the last stanza. Also try to find a better word for "shines" and "brightly." The sun shines ...

You have no punctuation marks besides the one ellipse towards the end of the poem. Add a periods in some places like Its shadow falls across the child watching as ...

1. Your poem was not corny. I do suggest you find a different word for sparkle, which you used twice. 2. No, it wasn't childish. 3. No, it wasn't too ...

I've seen your poem for a while in the Dramatic Poetry thread and I finally decided to read it! :] I think you should use different adjectives instead of "bright" ...

I agree with benny. Fingers of blood touch me from where I lie alone and wasted in a bed of white roses. That was a strong start. I think you ...

I agree with deafwriter_19. The "I'm the girl in dark blue jeans" is so simple but original. Maybe you want to capitalize the first letter after each line break so ...

I like your style. Like intheblowinwind, I liked the "felt the burning, scraping, clawing" part. Maybe separate your poem into two or three stanzas? Like press an extra ENTER after ...

This was okay. There were grammar problems with dialogue, as Perwinkle had pointed out. Make sure you DO NOT state what personality each character has. That ruins the part where ...

It's apologIZe, not apologise. “So you … going to come on to me or am I going to have to do it this time ? ” said Steve with much ...

Nice suspense build-up through dialogue. Don't forget to add a punctuation mark before the end quote. Example: "Yeah of course I am . " "Like no matter what ? " ...