I woke up gently the next day, Steve was no where to be seen. I quickly pulled on a pair of trousers and went downstairs to find him. I crept down the narrow stairs to find Steve sitting on the sofa staring blankly out of the window. I dare not speak a word as he seemed in serious reflection.
“Hi, … you okay” I said in the most friendly voice I muster.
“Oh … yeah I’m fine”
I could see that he wasn’t, his eyes were a bright shade of red as if he had been crying.
“Look I eh I … doesn’t matter” I then and there had the chance to say everything was okay and that I felt the same way yet I was a coward, I took the easy way out and said nothing.
“Sorry I had to tell you all that, you must think I’m a right weirdo”
I couldn’t believe he was apologising to me, it was tearing me up that he was going through all this and I could make it so much easier by telling him one simple thing.
“No I don’t … look I am so sorry I didn’t tell you this before but I have thought I was gay for quite a while and … and I think I like you”
I studied his reaction for a few seconds, it was completely expressionless.
“Are you serious” Steve said the words so quickly I barely picked them up.
“Yeah, I probably should have said something before today”
“I can understand why you wouldn’t want to, not the easiest thing to do is it” smirked Steve, this was the first time since he had came out I had seen a smile on his face.
“No … it isn’t … so what about you mum, you gonna tell her”
“Already have, told her this morning”
“Really, what she say” I was seriously shocked, I had no intentions of telling my parents, not yet anyway.
“Not thrilled but she accepted it”
What got to me about Steve was he wasn’t making eye contact with me at all, and hadn’t all the time I had been talking to him.
“I don’t mean to be nosy but eh … your eyes look red, you been crying”
I immediately saw him hide his eyes from view, I could feel that there was something wrong something he wasn’t telling me.
“Yeah … a little”
I sat beside him and tried to put my hand on his shoulder when he suddenly moved away. I said nothing for a few minutes, hoping beyond hope for him to say something, anything.
“I’m gonna go get my stuff then”
“I didn’t mean to do that, it’s just …”
“Look Steve I get it, you thought I was hitting on you, no big deal”
“I didn’t think, I hoped”
“What, you hoped I would hit on you, why”
“The guy I said I liked last night … it was you… that’s the reason I decided to tell you first”
I saw him turn around and all emotion just swept me off my feet as I couldn’t believe a word he was saying. This was everything I had fantasised about for the last couple months all culminating in this one moment.
“Well … eh … I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do now” I laughed trying to hide the true fear that I had in what to do next.
Steve laughed a little, I stress a little as he, as I was, was confused and scared as to what was going to happen next.
“Eh so … what’s going to happen then” He said softly.
“I’m going to be quite forward and just say it Steve … I want to go out with you and … I want to be with you” I had no clue where all this courageousness was coming from, but I just thought I would go with it and see where it took me, it already worked for me once.
“Thank god you said that David … I …I do too”
Steve smiled and shifted his eyes from me to the floor several times before saying anything else.
“So you … going to come on to me or am I going to have to do it this time” said Steve with much more confidence than he had possessed in the past 24 hours.
I decided to not say or do anything, mostly because I was petrified and couldn’t move or speak but also to see if Steve would really make the first move. And he did, he slowly walked up to me grasped me around the waist and delicately kissed me on the lips. As I basked in the moment I gradually fell on the sofa with Steve on top of me, we spent the good part of 30 minutes kissing each other.
After another few hours spent in Steve’s house my mum felt it was time for me to get home as I had football practise in the morning and it was already 10o’clock. I said my goodbyes and we shared a secret undisclosed kiss.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
It's apologIZe, not apologise.
Don't forget the question mark since Steve is asking a question!
And don't forget to add an ending punctuation mark before each end quote. The ellipse is good.
Work on your grammar a bit. Everything else sounds all right!
I LOVE YOUR STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please keep me posted
I don't want to sound like a broken record, as all the others have already stated this, but your punctuation needs major work. It distracted me from the actual story.
As to your writing, I wouldn't say it was astounding but it was decent. Could be better. I like your idea. But you need some more description and expression from your characters. I don't know who they are. You may be planning on doing this in your future additions, and, if so, please discard this.
Other than that, I thought it pretty good. Waiting for more.
Thanks and i will review the next chapter before posting it
And about the "I" thing all the time i do agree its a bit repetitive. I think i will redo the next chapters before posting because later chapters have a change in person, it goes from first to third which i hadnt even realised until now
I agree that the dialogue and grammar need some work. The lack of punctuation in the dialogue is quite distracting.
I also have a suggestion to make; when writing in first person, although it's obviously not easy to do, try to avoid saying 'I did this, and then I did this'. Having 'I' all of the time gets very repetative.
I'd also say to try and vary your sentence length; short sentences all the time make the writing seemed forced and stilted.
The characters do seem a little emotionless, but that could be to do with the dialogue.
It does have potential though, and with some revision could be very good.
Hey, firstly, welcome to the site. Here at YWS we do ask that you review two pieces of work before submitting your own, so you might want to take a look at the rules, here: rules.php
As for your story, it has potential. However, your dialogue and the grammar you use to write it needs some work. You haven't put any full stops or question marks at the end of anything people have said, and this lack of grammar makes your characters seem somewhat emotionless. Besides that, good work, I'm looking forward to hearing more from you. Keep writing.
Thanks for the review
Yes i do agree its a bit predictable but it does get a little more unpredictable later on (As the complete story is already written)
Hi! First off, welcome to the site.
Now for the story. I read the first two chapters as well and I would like to say that you have a real gift for portraying feelings. The character's emotions came out strongly and were extremely believable. All in all, it was a good story. I found it was a bit predictable, but it was well-written. There were grammar mistakes but I am extremely lazy in correcting grammar, so I won't point them all out to you now.
I hope you continue with this!
-Keira
Thanks
I blame my spell check for those lol
WOW!!!! This is very VERY good!!! It is well written and, well, imaginative.. The only mistakes you made were "I had football practise" (you spelled PRATICE wrong) and "10o’clock" (supopsed to be 10 o'clock, though that was probably just a type error)