The Up

Thanks! That's awesome how you think that what I wrote was cute!

Thanks for the idea too, will consider it!

Shanan-cat out!

1. Do you think that it was a bit corny?

Corny? No, it's adorable! I loved it!

2. Was a bit too childish?

Childish? No, it was adorably playful! I really liked it. I especially adored it because as I read it, I smiled.

3. Was it too short?

No, it wasn't too short at all--the shortness added to the cuteness of it. If it was long, it would've dragged on forever.

Keep writing light, playful, airy poems like this--hey, you'd be a great children's book author! Keep writing, period! ^^

-x- Ashes

Sorry abou the sparkle thing! I change it when I find the time.

Thanks for all your help!
Shananners!

1. Your poem was not corny. I do suggest you find a different word for sparkle, which you used twice.

2. No, it wasn't childish.

3. No, it wasn't too short. Poems can be of any length. Haikus, for instance, are only three lines long.

Try avoiding using words like "sweet," "sparkle," and "shine," because those words do sound lame, no offense. Instead of using them, try "serene' for the word sweet, which you used to describe the sky.

Up in the sky, it's serene and cool,

I liked it.

It was short but cute.

I have nothing more to say because the poem is satisfying. I'm satisfied with it!

Good job, good poem.

Keep writing!

Peace man,
Casey the AWESOME

Thanks for all the reviews! I will correct all my typos and maybe change it a bit.

Thanks again!
Shananners!

A poem does not matter on its length,the thing which only matters is if you had let the full meaning out in the poem.

the begining I felt was a bit childish but hey that isn't bad!it has the sweetness in it.

I will say thats a good work!


~Shine~

Ditto with eveything Adamarine said. Good work!

Hmmm... I don't think it was corny, or too childish. And the length... was good, I think.

I liked it:P It was unique and interesting...

That said,
"When the sun rises in the morning,
it's smile can be so cunning." -- the rhyme here wasn't quite what it should be. I suppose it's workable if it has to be, but I'd see if there isn't something better you could put there.

"Up in the in the sky, it's sweet and cool," You didn't mean to repeat "in the" did you?

"And in the eve, the moon rises to it's spot," You mean "its", not "it's."

"The sky is so old, and with age comes many tales,
and the joy that it gives us never fails." I think the first line was a bit too long for the rhythm. Maybe try "The sky is so old; with age comes many tales." Or something like that.

"The moon will sparkle and the sun may shine.
The stars can gleam, they're so devine. " These were my favorite lines:D You misspelled 'divine' though.


Keep writing!


*adna*