Published April 25, 2008
Time is flying
with wings outstretched, It soars
over the egg
over the seed
over the cradle
Its shadow falls across the child
watching as he grows
It sweeps across the seasons
through the sun and rain and snow
the budding sprout that reaches high
is shaken by Time’s wake
the constellations rearrange
and new hearts mend and break
Time is flying ‘cross the land
dropping feathers from Its wings
over some It brings down wrath
over some it sings
here and there it slows Its course
drops rest and calm and peace
but then It flies at stressful speeds
with threats to never cease
but we all know
that one day soon
Time will land
for me and you
It settles down
upon the ground
and calmly folds Its wings
for just a pause…
all is still
and Time enjoys Its rest
then It lifts Its head
unfurls Its wings
takes to the skies again
another time
another life
once again
It flies
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139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
I dislike reviewing the same piece of writing twice but I reread this and thought, "Wow, this sounds a lot better than I remembered it to be."
So I'll post a new review because I think you edited this, and if not I didn't review it well enough as before.
I think you have a talent for unique personification. Your poem about Life crying in a corner was also well written with personification. You literally took the meaning of "time flies" in your poem. Nice.
I like the word choice you used. Unfurls, outstretched, soars, etc. Outstretched and soars may be not so advanced in vocabulary and things but they fit the flow and the tone of this poem.
Overall I like it. Sorry for such a scanty review before. ^___^;;
*clicks the gold star*
- Summerless <3~
Punctuation really is a must in most poetry. It's an original idea but too broad an idea. You concentrate on too many thing. Instead stop and go for one. After some bit this bored me it just seemed to drone on. It seems to me you had a great idea but excuted it rather crudely or hurriedly. It was this that brought it down. You start brilliantly but with choosing too wide a topic you lose us soon after. Overall: Start with one topic in mind before you try to write about multiplay topics.
Good luck
VSN
Is it just me, or when you read this aloud, it sounds like a song?
That was a nice effect. Wonderful word choice too...
I like!
Love that stanza!
Very nicely done! *clicks star*
Hmm....I like this, but I don't *really* see where you're getting at with time flying. Try to add more details into each line. I hope this helps!
-Rick.
You have no punctuation marks besides the one ellipse towards the end of the poem. Add a periods in some places like
Catchy title--it compelled me to read your poem. :]
Thanks, guys, for your feedback. This is my first time posting any of my work on any site, so I’m still a little uneasy about opening my writing up for people to critic. It’s positive comments like yours that make it worth it.
Hii
I agree with pinata, this is so cool, you've pulled it off really well.
'Through the sun and rain and snow' - the rythm here is slightly off, though i'm not really good with that so I can't offer any suggestions.
'Over the egg / over the seed / over the cradle' - I love this.
Your imagery is beautiful, nice work. Keep it up
Oh! I loved this one! Personify time! Brilliant idea! Two thumbs up to you and a gold star to go with it!