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Re: Music wins this war
An ancient piano rests silently in its forgotten memory. The way this is worded is a little weird... The room deserted for decades. I think this could be put a ...
Mar 31, 2011 -
Re: In the wind
Bug's right, there are a TON of things that need to get cleaned up in this (and you'll get a lot more reviews on context of your story if it's ...
Mar 31, 2011 -
Re: A Broken Heart to Fix
I kind of felt like it was a little rushed, and it would've been nice to have a little more of their background and relationship and things along that line, ...
Mar 29, 2011 -
Re: You And I
This was good, but the one thing was (like they already said before) short poems can work if everything gets wrapped up the right way, but this just felt like ...
Mar 29, 2011 -
Re: Small to Me.
Honestly, this poem felt a little weak for me. The overall story was kind of overdone and cliche, and then there's a sing-songy rhyme scheme that really doesn't help. I ...
Mar 29, 2011 -
Re: 0.
This was really pretty, the way it just kind of rolls of your tongue and flows, but at the same time I felt like you were over-trying when it came ...
Mar 29, 2011 -
Re: To You, My Twin (and Favorite Partner in Crime)
I love this! I wish I felt the same closeness with my sister. This was so cool, it just had a great kind of funny quality, but I think it ...
Mar 28, 2011 -
Re: Moonlight on the Floor
Urgh, Warrior Princess, I loathe your ability with words. This is pure poetry (wait...okay, that saying is rendered a little pointless in this case...but I'm tired and you know what ...
Mar 5, 2011 -
Re: If I Give Her To You
This was sweet, but I agree with what I think LittlePetRock was saying; you build it up but then just kind of miss the mark and leave it kind of ...
Mar 5, 2011 -
Re: What Girls Want~part one
This is a good plotline so far, I really like the girl character and the dynamics your characters have together. I think this needs some cleaning up, grammar-wise and tempo, ...
Mar 5, 2011 -
Re: Bigger than man
The bigger the heart the harder they fall, And down the boy fell. Through The cracks he dissipated, Through the boards he dropped. Past the rats and the drains and ...
Mar 5, 2011 -
Re: Half Truths
This is a pretty cool beginning, although I'm not completely hooked. It just feels a little dry and common. I think you could find a more dynamic way of introducing ...
Mar 5, 2011 -
Re: Thumbtack
This was entertaining to read, just kinda cute and funny and quirky, with its own simple little personality. I think it's kind of lacking in something that I can't put ...
Mar 4, 2011 -
Re: Untitled
This was a pretty cool story plot-wise, but you could've made it so much longer! Give us descriptions, emotions, etc. All-in-all, what I'm trying to say is that we need ...
Mar 3, 2011 -
Re: So get out
Man, my dad's really sick right now so I know how it feels. You see death right in front of you, and for a second you're scared...then you're angry. Your ...
Mar 3, 2011
