I wished for his hands to touch mine.
It was a part of love that I was hoping to find.
I'd watch his grey eyes as he would smile at me.
Then I'd think about how perfect he is to see.
I'd laugh at his bad jokes,
and always flash a smile.
He'd come meet my folks,
We'd be great for a while.
For I dream of love and reality,
But it always seemed so small to me.
I could never figure out how it came and went.
Or how it grew bigger with each time spent.
I yearned for the pleasure of him being mine.
When I close my eyes, he's there all the time.
But I dream of love and reality,
and it now seems smaller to me.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Honestly, this poem felt a little weak for me. The overall story was kind of overdone and cliche, and then there's a sing-songy rhyme scheme that really doesn't help. I think you should work on making your poetry deeper, and more unique. Find ways of expressing emotions everyone feels into ways that are more individually yours. Because I think that's kind of the key to poetry - relateable things in a way that brings even more to it than we felt before. That was just kind of lacking this time.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
hi... Yours is a very nice poem... The rhyme scheme was good and topic was good too... the flow was really smooth and I really couldn't detect any flaw... So I'll say: Good Job:)
Hey Frazol, dogs here just giving a couple small pointers. Firstly i really enjoy this poem. It has a simple plot and idea and you convey it well threw your writing. Its a very good piece of work and i truly enjoyed reading it, they rhymes make it flow well threw out the poem. However, my only critique i would apply to this piece is the second use of the word "Smile" in the second line of the second stanza. In my opinion it makes the line just a little bit choppy and throws off the rhythm. I would suggest that you replace the word with something like grin perhaps. I really loved your poem KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
TuckEr EllsworTh