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139,650 Literary Works • 672,643 Reviews
Hello!
I have to agree with storyweaver; this story has a lot of potential, but you kept each paragraph only about a sentence long. Try setting the scene beforehand, was she talking with her friends, or was she just silent. Why was she silent? What was her teacher doing? What were they supposed to be making in art class? How do the students react to the alarm going off? What's going through her mind as she's in the dark room? Give us more of a feel of who the main character is, and describe her mysterious kisser in a bit more detail. I know that it's difficult due to the fact that it's pitch black in there, but give us some hints to what he could be like, did he press his body up against hers? Was he toned or heavier?
Add onto the story and I can really see you having something quite interesting.
-Once
This was a pretty cool story plot-wise, but you could've made it so much longer! Give us descriptions, emotions, etc. All-in-all, what I'm trying to say is that we need more! Drag it out without making it tedious, and you could have a really cool story.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver