Stori

Wow. That's about all I have to say.

Thank you, Cap'n.

Very good, sir. No one will condemn you for this. It's interesting to see that you refer to God in your writing. Are you pointing to Jehovah in this?

I appreciate your thoughts, Minister. It's amazingly hard to find other intellectuals these days. Anyway, isolation is something I deal with every day.

I say, my good fellow, you missed something. In the space where you listed the names of the character's friends, put a space between each one. See how I did ...

I think perhaps the repetition of "out" in part four ruined this for me. Otherwise this was well done. Its lack of capitalization is done just right. And really, that's ...

I did ask, now didn't I? Anyway, thanks... I tried rewriting the beginning. Bit of an aside here: this story first came into being after I'd read "Maximum Ride". It ...

I'm not very "in the know" about girls' biology, Snoink. And please, I was trying to be unspecific here.

Have you ever heard of "Raptor Red?" Perhaps you should read it.

This is a good example of a traditional ballad. Maybe if you added a refrain, you could set it to music. However, I think there's one mistake: "At the ripe ...

This is actually a prequel to "Bruised and Beaten."

The chorus feels very rushed, as I said. Maybe if you change the spacing a little, it would work. Other than that, good job on this. I'll give it a ...

Thank you both. I'll try my best to expand this (I have written the next section) and post the rest of it.

Hm- romantic? I was aiming for more a familiar feel to this, in the literal sense of the word. Any tips on that?

What do you all want me to do with this? Should I edit it and write chapter two?