Published February 27, 2010
Verse:
When life hands us stones
We'll build bridges.
We'll cross every stream
Love throws in our way.
If you're alone
You know you've got me.
It's gonna be OK.
Chorus:
I'll fly with you
Into the starry sky
And I'll wipe away
The tears that you're crying.
I'll fly with you
To the moon, or to the stars.
And I'll take away
The pain that you're feeling.
That's all I've got so far. Please to tear it apart?
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140,627 Literary Works • 673,569 Reviews
It's really cute but a tad bit too cliche'. I did like how you used the word "Starry". I don't see that word used much except in people's usernames or something. Sorry, if my review wasn't the greatest. I just find that songs dealing with "flying away" always come on not being very original.
Hey, Stori! I'm here as promised! A few hours later than planned, but I'm here nonetheless.
And I must say, I love the message you have so far! It's very sweet and uplifting. I notice it's been over a year since this was posted, so I wonder if you've finished it yet? I'd love to see the final product.
There were a couple concerns that I'll bring up. It could all just be me, but! It's always worth mentioning anyway.
The bolded part made me do a doubletake. tripletake. quadrupletake. etc. It seemed kind of backwards to how these kinds of phrases are usually said. It's going to be confusing as I explain it, so hopefully you'll understand in the end! The first two lines imply that the speaker(s) will overcome something bad (life's stones). The second two lines imply they'll overcome something good (love's stream). They seemed to contradict each other, unless the speaker wants them to stay neutral... I don't think that's what you were going for though! The bolded part is probably looking to overcome something bad. Unless the point is to overcome love? Though that doesn't quite fit in with the rest of the piece here.
Anyhoot, that's that! It's been bugging me a while. However, the only other concern I have is the refrain doesn't really reflect what the verse is. Now, this can easily be mended if there's a completed version of this song. It's like setting a puzzle without all the pieces. It can't be done! But from what I have now, the verse doesn't quite connect with the refrain just yet, and that's a bit concerning. Something to look for as you finish/edit!
But what you have is really a good start, and I hope you finish it. Again, my second suggestion can easily be mended with a continuation of the song. So hopefully you'll do just that! Great job, and I'll see you around!
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
This is my favourite verse
But overall I thought that it's brilliant
Hey this is well written and made my heart pound a little faster...but not to much.
One line I felt should be changed was you wrote "the tears you are crying"
I think you should change it to "tears you cy"
That's all
Good Job!
Who's the Owl?
Amazing lyrics. It is for the first time I came to the Lyrics section and I don't regret it. You have written an awesome song.Definitely it would suit Owl City. Just one sugestion:
Try changing this sentence: The pain that you're feeling.
I sang it along with a tune and it looked awesome. Hope some professional sings it.
Nice! Sounds like something Owl City could sing. Well done.
I like it! It's simple, yet at the same time it says a lot. It does sound like a romantic song in a way though, like something you'd sing to someone you really care about. But I can see how it works other ways too. I think I'm agreeing with Carlito on this one.
I would love to hear what it sounds like and see the finished result!
I think overall the lyrics are really pretty. They're really simple, yet still have a lot of meaning which is cool. I saw you mentioned that it's not meant to be a romantic song. It sounds romantic because of all the 'you's' and 'me's'. Like 'If you're alone/You know you've got me.', and pretty much the rest of the chorus
I think if you just re-worked it a little and got rid of some the the 'you' and 'me' and make it about 'us' and 'we' like it is in the first stanza it would give less of a romantic vibe. The first stanza didn't give me a romantic vibe at all but after that it did.
Also, it had rhythm, but to me it read more like a poem instead of a song. I couldn't hear the song playing in my head at all. If you can, that's awesome, but it's not translating super well.
Are you adding more to this cause I like it so far. You've got a good start!
-Carly
Hm- romantic? I was aiming for more a familiar feel to this, in the literal sense of the word. Any tips on that?
It reminds me of the song "Fly me to the Moon"
The one Frank Sinatra sings.
So far what you have is really good!
I also wonder how its supposed to sound.
This is a sweet poem!
It sounds incomplete but the chorus and first verse are great!!!
Keep writing 'cause this song can use some more of your talented mind.
I like the idea you used of flying to the stars and the moon.
Prettty romantic, eh?
~Skyy.
I really like it.
It has a very sweet feeling to it. As I was reading, I was picturing myself listening to this song on my ipod, swaying along. It brought tears to my eyes. (I'm very emotional at night. lol)
Just wondering, but what kind of instrumental music do you picture this be sung to? I picture maybe an acoustic guitar with some violin in the background, but that's just me.
Keep up the good work! PM me if you ever post some more of this!
Have a great day, God Bless!
This is really good lyrics
flows well and very moving
but it sounds incomplete hoever!