Author's Note: This story is dedicated to my friends, Ken and Kenson.
We first met at a local poetry meeting; as I'm not so good at poem-writing, I made this for them.
Could that be him?
Hope knocking at my chest, I take a deep breath in.
“Aiden! Yo, Twitch!” People stop and stare.
The boy--Please let it be him-- turns. A smile of recognition crosses his face. “Yo, Kenny!”
Laughing, we wade through the crowd to meet halfway across the plaza.
Aiden grabs hold of me, tilting my head up. “God, I missed you.
Are your folks treating you all right?”
“Yeah,” I say. I can hardly take him in; he’s grown taller. His vulpine features are more refined, but it’s a boy’s smile he directs at me.
“You’ve grown,” he says.
“So have you. And you have a girl,” I say, noticing the blue stone he’s wearing. “Is that real etherite?”
Aiden’s hand goes to the fine silver chain. “Yes.”
He undoes the clasp and hands the whole pendant to me.
Wow. This must have cost a fortune.
“Come on; I’ll take you to meet her.” He leads me to a quiet spot, over in a corner, and takes out a com device. “Hey, Anna- yes, I’m fine- listen. You remember how I told you about Kenny? You do? Well, he’s here.”
This time, I can hear Anna’s reply. “Great! Put him on.”
I clear my throat. “Hi, Anna. Um, this is Ken.”
“Hello.” The transmission gives her voice of sort of breathless tone.
“I’ve heard so much about you.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,776 Reviews
Thank you both. I'll try my best to expand this (I have written the next section)
and post the rest of it.
Hi Stori!
I somehow find this difficult to picture. The hug seems fine, but the tilting the head up seems weird or unnatural. It brings me to ask why. If you're planning to improve upon that in the following chapter, then forget this comment.As Gryph said, I really want to ream more. Let me know.
Also; the shortness of it annoys me, in the sense that I hope you put the next one up or else, I might lose interest.
It's really good though.
~Lava
Commenting!
I liked the anticipation you set up before Aiden turns around, but there seems to be no relief afterward? You have Kenny really, really hoping that it's Aiden, but when it doe turn out to be him, we have... nothing. Maybe something about Kenny's reaction to it actually being Aiden? Some sort of happiness?
And really, that's all I have. This was nice and solid, but it was really short. Add some meat to it? Some character relationship exposition, some description, some background? As is, I liked it, but it's so short that I was barely getting into it before it started.
More! I wants more! Let me know when you add more to it? *puppy eyes*
~GryphonFledgling