Hey Naydy!!! I'm wookielover17, but you can call me Wookie. I really liked this piece I thought that you settled her background story very well. And I can't wait to see where the story is going!!! But can I mention that this was more like a prologue than a chapter, but it's still good.
Um, I noticed that your tenses change threw out the sentence and it can get kindda confusing. But don't worry I suck at tenses to (just take a glimpse at my story 
) But I really liked it and I hope you keep writing!!!! Post more soon!!!
Good job,
wookielover17
I say, my good fellow, you missed something.
In the space where you listed the names of the character's
friends, put a space between each one. See how I did that
with the comma here?
I like that you're telling us things about the main character, but instead of focusing on the history of her life in the first chapter, maybe try telling us one thing at a time. Introduce her life as it is now, and then you can mention the back story later.
This is VERY SHORT! A chapter should be a complete scene, not just a little snippet. I would suggest arranging your story into paragraphs so that it is easy to read, and editing it carefully. There are a number of conflicting verb tenses used.
Also, as the story is right now, you are not showing the reader anything, you are just telling a story about a nameless main character. Give us more information about the main character. What is her name? What is her personality like?
Naydy wrote:I fall in love with a boy in fifth grade but at the end of school, I find out he had a girlfriend.
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