Snoink

Sorry, I couldn't help myself! XD You are really obsessed with Gryphons, that can be slightly off-putting. No, not off-putting, more like; repetitive. Maybe you should do more with your ...

Now it's too overdramatic. :P Show, don't tell. And telling includes flashbacks and angst! Remember, when you write, you want to separate yourself from the emotion. White puts it much ...

Eh... she wrote that when she was 11. She's writing much much better now. I just decided to revive this topic. Why? Because I'm mean like that, lol. Besides, it ...

Wow... I am totally surprised from all the response. I expected one or two people to look at it (or at least write a critique) and I have ten replies. ...

It sounds like an interesting setting. I would hardly call it a story.

See it here:

The greatest thing I've ever seen.

The exclamation mark ruins the quiet shushing of the poem, but otherwise, nice! I too like the word "asunder." We should use that word more. Asunder, asunder... *wanders off*

The awkward thing about the third was the word "couldn't." And the fourth was a little long and didn't look too friendly on the eyes. Even so, it was a ...

Nice! I like the contrast of the colors - one being black but being described as white and likewise. Pretty stuff. :) And congratulations!

You mean the music you wrote to this, or all the song titles you've lifted to make this? *sighs* I heard the news today, oh boy...

This is depressing. DEPRESSING!

There are definite grammar problems though, snoink, you should fix that up. Grammar problems? Nah... this is perfect. :P

Ooooh... this is creepy. My favorite imagery is the part where the victim looks into the sky... beautiful stuff. Yet this is creepy all the same. Not in a bad ...

Nope... the title is always the first thing you see of a poem.