Published December 7, 2005
Glossy black on blinding white,
Feathers gleam in moon-pale light,
They shake white showers from the trees,
Ravens ride the icy breeze.
Blots of ink on a paper sheet,
Purity and darkness meet,
North wind carries raucous cries,
Winter glints from coal-black eyes.
i just scribbled this down in school today, staring out the window... the contrast of the jet black ravens on the immaculately white snow was really striking. its completely meaningless, no depth whatsoever, but i kind of like it. feed back please!
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141,368 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
I'm not a poet critic, but beautiful imagery!
merci.l
Nice! I like the contrast of the colors - one being black but being described as white and likewise. Pretty stuff.
And congratulations!
thank you!! ^__^
thank you!! ^__^
perfect images, perfect rhyme. perfectly sweet and short and simple.
the rhythm i had to read twice to get it down, but after that it was perfect again.
i'm glad not every poem must strive for deep meaning, but also can value creative language.
Three words; SHORT,SWEET, BEAUTIFUL!
Great images created.
This poem won a contest and will be posted on the buses! Congradulations, RiverGirl!
So: feathers gleam in moon(without the 'the'[and I won't say naught about that, this is poetry!] *pause* pale light?
no, i meant it to be that way... sometimes snow creates a soft, surreal, light and that seemed like a good way to word it.
Good, good! But shouldn't it be: pale moonlight, as opposed to moon-pale light? Unless it's supposed to be read another way?
Thanks guys!! perhaps i will continue it... or perhaps not... i dunno. i guess i like it short.
I liked it.
It rhymed.
Had a smooth rythem.
Was about a raven. (I'm dark like that)
Very good!
It'd be great if you'd continue this but it's fine just the way it is.
Better than any scribble I ever made... :humph:
I like this. The rhyming was good, and not forced. Great job!
thanks alot, jane!! i'll capitalize those letters lickety- split!!
anybody else?
Wow! I love it! The rhymes... Ooh, the rhymes!
I'd watch them too, but my back is to the window in math, the only class I don't pay atention in...
'purity and darkness meet' is my favorite part. I can SEE the clean snow and raven tracks.
Yah. So, gorgeous, the entire thing.
Only critique-like thing is: Could you capitalize the begining of each line?