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An excerpt from the Evil Overlord List

by Griffinkeeper

I watched the images with mild concern. The hero's friends were beating my legions of doom with relative ease. I looked closer; the hero had disappeared.

"My lord, the hero is here to-" a burst of bullets cut down my trusted lieutenent. Well, now he could be moved to the most trusted lieutenent category. The hero swept into the room, killing my two guards with similar accuracy.

"The last bullet is for you, Lord Arzor," he said, lowering the gun at my head.

"Before you do, please explain to my grand-daughter why you are going to kill her beloved grandpa," I asked. He stopped for a moment to look at Cassandra.

"Well, it is kind of difficult. You see, he killed my family and the family of all my friends and relatives. It is left to me to avenge all of their deaths and by killing your grandfather, I'd be doing this. Do you understand little girl?" Cassandra nodded enthusiastically, before pressing the red button. The floor opened up instantly, sending the hero into the pit of crocodiles. We moved towards the pit and watched in amusement as the crocodile cages were opened.

"Look how fast the crocodiles move grandpa!" Cassandra screamed in delight.

"Yes, isn't it beautiful?" We watched on as the hero tried to climb his way out of the pit, with no success. He fired the gun at the nearest one, wounding it. In turn, the crocodile bit off the hero's leg. The entire pit seemed to move as a feeding frenzy broke out.

"Grandpa, can we do that again?" she asked over the screams.

"Sure sweetie, just as soon as another hero comes along," I said while watching the crocodiles devour the remains of the hero. I smiled; there were nothing like spending quality time with your grandchildren.

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446 Reviews

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Tue Feb 21, 2006 11:23 pm
Poor Imp wrote a review...

:lol: That was great - good, succinct humor. Besides the aforementioned comma problem, I saw nothing to complain of. Not that I would have complained about the comma under the circumstances... :D

Yes, are you going to write another installment? Very amusing this first...

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Sat Feb 11, 2006 4:21 am

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Sat Feb 11, 2006 4:08 am
Jiggity says...

Where's the rest of this Evil Overlord List, I wish to read it.

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Fri Feb 10, 2006 10:53 pm
Griffinkeeper says...

Okay, I fixed it. Anyone else?

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3747 Reviews

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Fri Feb 10, 2006 8:38 pm
Snoink wrote a review...

I looked closer, the hero had disappeared.

Comma splice error; should be a semicolon.

"Sure sweety...

It probably should be "sweetie." I dunno... it just looks better.

"Grandpa, can we do that again?" She asked over the screams.


It should be this: "Grandpa, can we do that again?" she asked over the screams.

Note the "she" being uncapitalized.

And you have WAY too much time on your hands.

The simple truth is that authors like making people squirm. If this weren't the case, all novels would be filled completely with cute bunnies having birthday parties.
— Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians