Snoink

Angle?

This poem doesn't really... seem like a poem. You might want to change the sounds a little more, to make it more poetic. ;)

*pokes* Well? Aren't you going to continue it? :P

Don't worry so much about rhyming! Just get your poem out... it really doesn't have to rhyme to be poetry. :D

Out of all the massacre metaphors, this is the one I disliked the most: among the string beans screaming beneath paprika. I think it's because "string beans" and "screaming" sound ...

Right now it just looks like a grocery lists of "things you can do to make Christmas good for others." Which is probably not a good thing. Throw out some ...

Then you might consider revising it. At the moment, your point of view is with the person that is about to sleep, so if you go outside of that point ...

At the moment, there's a bunch of pretty moments, but they don't really seem to be connected. Introduce the fire a little more, and everything will become more smooth, I'm ...

Enough is enough. *LOCKED*

Hehee, it's pretty much a poem. *Moved to Other Poetry*

*Moved to Fantasy Fiction*

*Moved to Dramatic Poetry*

*Moved to Other Poetry* ...and locked, since there is a duplicate somewhere else. Go here to comment.

Oh my... this is a lovely poem. Very sad though. :'( Dogs do not live long enough. >

Edited! Thank you once more for all your comments... they were very helpful. :) Hopefully, I made the relationship with the boy and the policeman a little bit more clearer. ...