I don't know if I could possibly say it better than Snoink right there.Snoink wrote:It's kind of a discontinued grocery list sort of poem, except instead of potatoes and marshmallows, you're ordering angst.
The premise of "growing up" is old, and I don't think you've showed it in a new light. It follows the old pattern: girl falls in love, girl gets heart broken, girl reflects on the whole thing with a bitter outlook on life.
The first thing to do is to toss out all the cliches; breaking through a barrier, "a smile meant for me alone," key to one's heart, Santa Claus not being real and the disappointment that follows such a discovery. We've heard it all before.
And what can you say that's new about growing up? You might discuss more of the speaker's personal feelings toward the guy who broke her heart. Maybe he was too mature, and this scared her. Maybe romance wasn't what she expected it to be, like Santa Claus. What season is this set in? Is there an outside event that triggers the whole thing? What do the people look like? Really explore this one.
-Colleen
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