Snoink

The word "shoes" doesn't really rhyme with "mongoose" or "loose." I would look in a rhyming dictionary (you can find them online now!) to find a better word. And "butt" ...

As someone who has researched heroin quite a bit, I did like this poem. This has to be my favorite line: "I’m pained and I’m shivering" Nice to incorporate the ...

Ditto what timjim said. Also: fantasies in the mind. pushed deep in the bed, I think the period is misplaced. It gives a much better picture without it, since the ...

It sucked. You should stop writing. Now. ;) Okay! I liked how you could skip over the parenthesis without ruining the poem. It did seem a bit jagged, but I ...

Nice! Exactly what did they say that little girl ‘saw’? Ernest’s brain, which somehow didn’t shut down with awe, spoke in the sinister voice of reality. It was not a ...

Ha! So I read it. All of it. :) I also think it's a little long, but not in the way that you probably think of when I say the ...

Er... why is it in italics? From the title, it sounds like an opiate is talking to the mass of others like him, and he is telling them to rise ...

I like how it contrasted. You read the first part, and it left a "Eh, that's okay, but she needs to be a little more original" impression. Then, when you ...

You can make it better. :P I would make the barbie sound a little bit dumber. And this part of the poem doesn't seem to fit: Does that make me ...

Read all of it. :P Her eyes flicked down too stare at the pavement beneath her feet. Not "too" but "to." Also... when I first read it, I thought Charlie ...

Pretty good! Because I'm unmerciless, I'm going to be nitpicky. “Ow,” he said. “That hurts!” This is where you need to use punctuation to make your words stronger. Even this ...

"And never think there own thoughts. " Not "there" but "their." Otherwise, an interesting poem. Well... it seemed more like a rant with linebreaks than an actual poem, but I ...

First of all, it's very hard to read, in Word and especially on YWS. It needs to be broken up into paragraphs. I think this is partly because the lack ...

Nice story! The main thing that is holding it up is the grammar, but grammar can be easily fixed. ;) The characters are interesting, and it is rather fun to ...

AutophobeX49923 face didn’t show any change in emotion as he searched. Years spent without any direct human contact had rendered facial expressions and body language redundant. This was awkward and ...