Sam wrote:First of all...does it go on? Or did you just end it there? Because if you did, that would be bad, and you most definitely need to add something.
I did like the connection/symbolism you had with the stage lights in the corridor. She is going to visit a concert pianist, after all...that really sets the mood, and makes us feel smart that we noticed something (hehe, for once).
Pretty good as far as description goes...actually, scratch that, it was really good. It didn't have a crystal clear plotline; all I could basically gather from it was that this girl was going to see some dude in the hospital. And then he ended up crying for x and y reasons. Your description was awesome- really bring that out, but add in structure and you'll be good to go.
Yes it goes on! This is just the beginning part. Thanks for your reply I'll try and make the plot more interesting.
Points: 890
Reviews: 17
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