Young Writers Society

They blast any girl or boy that is not thin, preppy, or beautiful.

I don't like this line. The rest is pretty good

a tad bit shallow, but passing and relatively true for any middle school drama. not much imagery, metaphors, etc. but eh...it just didn't strike me. it was rather appearance based which is, i suppose, the point.

I agree with Niteowl, more spice, but good message. I liked it when I read it.

To be absolutely honest, I was bored reading this. I agree with what other people said about how it needs more imagery and how it just seems like a random rant. Someone said it needs more "spice" but it's a good message. I agree.

Whoa, it sounds like a warning or something. "Be careful of the Abercrombie girls!" But I guess thats a good thing, right?

Anywho...

marching_gurl89 wrote:They are the abercrombie girls.

They consider anything with words literature

marching_gurl89 wrote:The shallow preppy guys that they surround themselves with
Only want empty shells
That are brainless and follow the crowds

marching_gurl89 wrote:If they think for themselves there friends get mad at them.

I like the message, but I'm not much liking the way it's written. I don't feel a rhythm, and it feels a touch abstract. I think that with more imagery, this poem would have done more for me. I'll give you my suggestions, but just take them with a grain of salt, since I'm no poet anyway.

They are the abercrombie girls. What about "these are the abercrombie girls" or "the abercrombie girls:"? I don't know how I feel about the "they."

They consider anything with words literature
And never challenge themselves intellectually
Because they do not want to appear smart. Why should they care about literature? I like what you're saying here, but I think it could be said better. Maybe a little irony here would help... Such as: "Anything with words counts as literature/like, what's an intellectual challenge?/and, I mean, ew. Who wants to look smart?"

The shallow preppy guys that they surround themselves with
Only want empty shells
That are brainless and follow the crowds SO TRUE. But maybe you could say something along the lines of: "the shallow preppy guys that follow them/only want an empty shell/preferably brainless, but she's gotta be a follower

The Abercrombie girls are perfect clones of the models
In the catalogues that they read religiously. I like this stanza.

They blast any girl or boy that is not thin, preppy, or beautiful.

They will never do anything great
Because they always follow the crowd
And never think there own thoughts.
If they think for themselves there friends get mad at them. I love what you're saying here, but I think it could be said better. Maybe: "They'll never do anything great/because they're too busy following the crowd/and thinking one's own thoughts is unheard of/and if they dared break the mold, there would be scandal."

I like how you end though. Overall, you have a great message here, and I know this is very easy to relate to, because I think most everyone has known girls like this. Nice work.

"And never think there own thoughts. "

Not "there" but "their."

Otherwise, an interesting poem. Well... it seemed more like a rant with linebreaks than an actual poem, but I figured out why! And that's what makes it better. Basically, you're complaining about conformists, as if conformity is a bad thing and yet you are falling into the typical rant about these people, thus conforming to the nonconformist clique.

Bravo.

this is very much so the truth, i never liked that store, so i never got there, good poem, descriptive, and sad but true.

Oh, the horrible truth of teen culture. Reads like a song...

Oh, this is definitely very true, but I think you could have used more imagey in writing this. There isn't anything that particularly stands out; it just sounds like plain old thoughts. In fact, I can actually see myself saying some of these in normal, everyday conversation. Just add little spice and it will be absolutely delicious!

Very good!! Harsh but true portrayal of American culture.

I liked the image of 'Abercrombie Girls' and you did a good job portraying them up until this point:

"Because they always follow the crowd
And never think there own thoughts.
If they think for themselves there friends get mad at them."

Those lines made me shutter. It seemed like just everyday conversation. Change that stanza some kind of way...take out some of the words. Also, think it could end with "Abercrombie Girls" versus "They are the Abercrombie girls." Sounds like something from the Baby-Sitters Club. Besides that, all is good.