Young Writers Society

Uh oh, starting to get a bit too proud of this poem. I think i might start writing ALL my poems in the bath.... *cough*

Really Nice.. I liked it alot The '' Heroin.'' part just adds this special thing to it Verrry nice

And without her I'm stuck here,
In reality with all its slings,
No numbness to hold me
No dreams to cage me

Nothing I can add on to what others have already said.

Very powerful poem.

Yay. Well I'm very pleased with Snoink's comment.

forest_ofthe_nightingale - I kinda see what you mean about the careless thing.

And xanthan gum - the slings bit (kinda stolen from Hamlet), it suggests thudding, smashing, thundering stones - as apposed to sharp, peircing, raining arrows

As someone who has researched heroin quite a bit, I did like this poem. This has to be my favorite line:

"I’m pained and I’m shivering"

Nice to incorporate the goosebumps (going cold turkey) that a withdrawl of heroin into the poem! It shows research and thought. And to put it in a poetic form... awesome. Simply awesome.

Good job. I looked for scientific errors, but found none. Nice research. Nice poem.

I like the last word a lot. I'm just going to tell you that first.

She knows I long for her,
Despite the staring she causes,
Despite the sickness she brings me,
Forgetting all the costs

Never mind the wounds she’s left me,
The secrets I'm hiding,
The long sleeves, hair in face,
The dependency on her

Because without her sweet poison
Her piercing caress
I’m pained and I’m shivering
And I'm violent and careless

And without her I'm stuck here,
In reality with all its slings,
No numbness to hold me
No dreams to cage me

In the night, I’ll cry out
Please save me

Heroin.

if you spelled "heroine" wrong at the end by accident, don't change it. if you did that on purpose - great.

the flow of the poem could be tied more smoothly, and the rhythm was a bit off.

Never mind the wounds she’s left me,
The secrets I'm hiding,
The long sleeves, hair in face,
The dependency on her

In reality with all its slings,