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The secret journal of Animus.

by *Twilight*


Yes I have finally posted some of my work. This is pretty long that way I can get to the main plot in my first post. I would really appreciate it if you would critique my work. Be honest even if it makes me cry! Any improvement will be better than none. :D Thanks.

If you were fortunate enough to come across Ally, Ben and Daniel Morrow and you were lucky enough to hear the strange tales they had to tell, you would be amazed. So amazed in fact that you would call them liars. But no one would be lucky enough to hear these strange and amazing stories because these certain things that have happened are a secret that no one can hear...unless you learn about these things from the beginning. The beginning of course is at their house the very house they have lived in all their lives. They knew everything about their house and the land surrounding it but, after these current events it will all change.

The three siblings were all sleeping in their nice cozy beds after a long night of TV. It was a Friday night after all and with the agreement of the three being quiet their parents allowed them to stay up late. They were all very tired after a while and could not keep their eyes open for anything. Well... two of them could not keep their eyes open. The youngest of the three, Daniel was wandering down the hall half asleep. He held his favorite toy tight like he always held it everywhere he went. He slowly crept towards his sister's room with a clumsy stumble in his step. As he approached the doorway he peeked in and saw her wrapped in her purple blanket sleeping peacefully and waited a few seconds before quietly continuing into her room.

He tiptoed to the side of the bed she was facing and stared at her for the longest time and after a few minutes Ally slowly opened her eyes and saw her brother staring right back at her. Daniel let out a sigh of relief as if she had saved his life. "I told you Daniel," Ally said. "If you need me just wake me up. It’s creepy when you watch me in my sleep."

"Sorry," Daniel replied in a shaky voice. "But..."

"But what?" Ally asked impatiently as she stared at him waiting for his answer. Daniel said what just about every five year old boy would say.

"I think the boogeyman is after me," he whispered.

"The boogeyman isn't real Daniel." Ally assured him. "Besides you have Capitan super to stand guard while you sleep." Daniel looked down at the toy clutched in his hands and looked back up at Ally.

"I know and Capitan super saw him outside my window." Daniel leaned in closer to Ally as if he were telling a secret. "The boogeyman knocked on the glass."

"The boogeyman doesn’t knock on peoples windows he comes out from under the bed." Ally said. "And mom checked your bed before she went to sleep...Remember?"

"Oh yeah," Daniel said with another sigh of relief.

"Now go to bed there’s nothing to worry about."

"Okay," Daniel said. But just as he started to walk away from the bed he stopped and turned around. "What about Frankenstein?"

"You don't have to worry about Frankenstein he was a good guy. He was just misunderstood." Ally said.

"Are you sure?" Daniel asked.

"I'm positive...now can you go to bed?" Ally asked again. Daniel looked at the door and took a deep breath.

"I think so."

"Okay then good night," she said as she watched Daniel slowly walk out of her room and into the hall.

She knew he was just standing outside her door because Daniel had stopped in front of the nightlight in the hall and the large shadow he cast across the wall wasn't moving. "Now what Daniel?" she asked as she heaved another sigh. Daniel stood there for a moment feeling embarrassed over the whole situation because he was trying to convince his family he was a big boy and this wasn't helping any. But, he was much too scared at the moment so he poked his head in the doorway one last time. "Does...the wolf man knock on windows?" he asked in a squeaky voice which indicates that he knew he was plucking on his sisters last nerve.

"That’s it," Ally said as she threw her blankets off and got out of bed.

"What? What are you doing?" Daniel wasn't sure if she was going to smack him on the head or walk him to his room either way she seemed pretty mad.

"We are going to go outside and I'm going to prove to you that there is not a monster knocking on the window."

"No! No! That’s okay I'm fine now I'm fine now!" Daniel said in a panic.

"No," Ally said sternly. "You are just going to come in here in another hour and ask if mummies knock on windows too. And then you will be in deep trouble so we will end this now."

"I'm not going outside in the dark you can't make me," Daniel said with his arms crossed. He always crossed his arms to show that he means business but his squeaky scared voice didn't make him sound as intimidating as he planned. So he backed up into the corner of the room and held Capitan super tight in his arms.

Ally pulled open her closet door and searched through the mess hoping all of the noise wouldn't wake their parents.

"Now what are you doing?" Daniel asked still trying to control his scared voice.

Ally ignored him as she pulled a chair from her desk and stood on it to search the top shelf of her closet.

"Aha!" She said as she pulled out a silver metal flashlight. "I thought I'd never use this."

"Then how bout we don't use it and stay inside...where it's safe" Daniel said cringing at how stupid his final attempt to stay inside was.

"Heh...nice try Daniel but were still going outside." Ally walked up to Daniel and held her hand out. "Come on if you act like a big boy and go outside you will see that a monster is not knocking on your window."

"Fine," Daniel said grabbing his sister's hand. "But, can Ben come just incase we need backup?"

Ally thought about how gripy her twin brother would be if she woke him up and she would much rather meet a monster and not have backup than have to deal with him.

"Let’s just let him sleep. If we need help we can always call him," Ally said.

"Okay but, if the monster eats us don't blame me." Daniel said.

Ally and Daniel went down the hall and into the kitchen which led to the backyard. Daniel tried to act brave and he tried not to cry but he was scared to death and the closer they got to the back door the deeper his stomach sank. He watched with wide eyes as Ally reached up for the doorknob hoping the monster didn't come crashing in.

"Wait," Daniel said as Ally turned the door knob. "Look out the window to make sure the monster isn't waiting for us at the door."

"Fine." Ally pulled the small curtains open, and peeked through the oval window on the door. She looked all around and there was nothing more to see than the trashcans by the fence. But just as she was about to say the coast was clear, she jumped back as their dog Sissy dashed by barking.

"What!? Is it the monster?" Daniel asked in his squeakiest voice yet.

"No. It's just sissy," she said.

"See sissy sees the monster too. That's what she is barking at." Daniel was sure a monster was out there now but Ally still didn't believe him so she did what she always did. She made up a logical explanation.

"It's probably the neighbor’s cat. The one that keeps getting in our trash."

"It's the monster."

"No Daniel it is not the monster I told you monsters aren’t real. That’s the whole point of us going outside."

"Yeah were going to be eaten because of you!" Daniel said.

"You know what," Ally said. "Let's just go out there so I can get back to sleep."

Ally grabbed Daniel's hand and led him out the door. She could tell that he was really scared now because of his tight sweaty grip. But she knew that this would solve his monster problems for at least one night...hopefully.

The creepy sounds of the night weren't making the situation any better. Because every time the wind blew the gate on it's rusty hinges, Daniel stopped in his tracks checking the yard for anything with really big teeth. But, he was fourtunate enough not to see anything yet.

Daniel just knew that when they went around the corner he would see Sissy being eaten by a big monster with a big appetite. But all Ally expected to see was Sissy chasing a cat up a tree and, to their surprise both of them were wrong. They saw sissy sniffing something on the ground. They couldn't quite make out what it was in the dark but it looked like a board from where they were standing. Sissy just stood there, sniffing it as if it were an amazing find to her.

"See," Ally said pointing to Daniel's window. "There is not a monster in sight."

"What makes you think it's not hiding somewhere?" Daniel said looking all around the backyard.

"Well if there is a monster and it is hiding then why would it hide from us if it's a big ugly man-eating creature?"

"Don't you watch TV Ally? It's like a lion on a hunt waiting for its prey to let its guard down, and then BAM! It attacks and it eats you piece by-."

"What’s that sound?!" Ally interrupted.

"It's the monster! It's the monster!" Daniel shouted.

"What! Where?" Ally asked slightly scared now.

"Will you guys stop tapping on my window!" Said someone as they came from around the corner.

"It's just Ben," Ally said with a sigh of relief. "I knew I shouldn't have let Daniel get to me like that."

"Wait a minute!" Daniel said. "Did you say someone tapped on your window too?"

"Yes," Ben replied. "I heard you tapping on my window and I just ignored it. But you kept on tapping and tapping so I came out here to tell you to leave me alone."

"We didn't do it," Ally protested. "Daniel was convinced that someone was tapping on his window too...wait a minute. Are you two playing a prank on me?"

"It's Twelve thirty in the morning Ally," Ben said. "Besides, I only play pranks when everybody can see it. It's more satisfying that way."

"Yeah fine let’s just go inside so I can get back to sleep," Ally said.

"But this still doesn’t solve my problem," Daniel whined.

"Look Daniel," Ally said. "There isn't a monster by your window and there is nowhere to hide in our backyard so you’re safe."

Just as Ally was about to go back inside she saw Sissy still sniffing that thing out of the corner of the eyes.

"What can be so interesting that you have to sniff it for five minutes straight Sissy!" Ally said as she walked up to the distracted dog. She looked down at what sissy was rubbing her cold wet nose on and saw a book.

"A book?" Ally said.

"What did Sissy find?" Ben said as he approached from behind.

"She found a book," Ally said. "It looks like an antique to me. Is it yours Ben?"

"Nope it's not mine and Daniel doesn’t like books." Ally knelt down and grabbed the slobbery book from sissy and as ally pulled it away Sissy still tried to smell it. Ally studied the beautifully decorated front cover. It had a pendant in the middle and many other symbols and shapes but the strangest thing about the book was how thin it was so, Ally opened it only to reveal a single empty page.

"There’s only one page in the book?" Ally said.

"Maybe Sissy tore out the others," Ben said looking over her shoulder.

"No there’s no tear marks...it’s like, the book was made this way."

Ally rubbed her fingers over the old yellowed parchment and it was at this moment when the first amazing thing happened that changed their lives. As she removed her fingers from the paper neatly written words started to appear one by one. None of the children said anything as they watched the letters fade in like magic. After a long silence Ben finally managed to say something. "How did you do that? Is there a switch or something?"

Ally closed the book and examined it all over trying to find some switch or knob that might have activated the words and we all know by now that Ally is always the one who makes up the logical explanations but, this time she wasn't so sure.

"I...don't think this is an electronic book at all Ben."

"Oh so you’re saying it's magic?" Ben said with a taunting voice.

"Ok maybe that did sound a little weird but I can’t find a switch or a place to put batteries and besides its real paper." Ally said.

"Well let’s take this inside and examine it we might be able to see how it works," Ben said.

"Okay," Ally said. "Come on Daniel lets go inside." Ally was sure that Daniel would have celebrated at the mention of those words but Ally noticed that he wasn't as interested in the book as they were because he was already on the ground asleep.

"Do you think you can carry him inside?" Ally asked.

"I'm twelve years old," Ben said. "I'm not a weakling."

"Okay you take him and I'll take the book and Capitan super."

"That’s fine with me." Ben said as he picked Daniel up and headed to the back door.

The kids went to Ben's room and Ben placed Daniel on the bed.

"What did the words say?" Ben asked as he turned on his desk lamp which gave enough light to let them see without waking Daniel.

"I don't know," Ally replied. "I wasn't paying attention to the words I was just staring as they appeared."

"Alright then let’s read it," Ben said.

"Okay." Ally opened the book and both of them began to read.

The book read:

To who ever has recieved my journal,

I know you must be amazed at the fact that the words just appeared out of thin air on the parchment. I must say that it is not some sort of electronic doodad it is in fact, magic. But, please put aside your amazement and focus because what I have to say is critical to my well being and many others too. I have sent this journal as a plea for help. I can't explain much about my situation nor can I mention my real name (A code name will be provided) but, do not worry because ever since I have found this journal I have recorded every event of importance leading up to my present location. So, you must go back to the beginning of the journal when I first found it and read it carefully. You will know what to do. You also probably noticed the mirror too. The first few pages will explain its purpose. I must urge you to hurry because I don't know how much time I have. Please help me and you will not only have saved many lives but you will be rewarded as well.

P.S. This entry can only be read once for safety so read it closely before continuing.

Sincerely,

Mr.Latet

"Wow it really is magic," Ben said

"Thats not the problem Ben. That man is in trouble and we have to help him...and were only kids!"

"But, what about that mirror he mentioned?" Ben said. "Did you see one?"

To be continued.............


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Points: 890
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Sat Jan 28, 2006 12:28 am
diamond_eyes wrote a review...



hey that was a really good story...u described the characters very well..and it didnt turn out like i thought, which made it even more interesting...wow i couldnt stop reading..the setting and stuff was good and the story itself was well written and it kinda "sucked you" in..i cant wait to read the rest!! :D keep up the good work :wink:




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Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:32 pm
*Twilight* says...



Thanks for the advice. This will really help out because I have read it over and over and it felt kind of hollow in a way. It does lack in description at some parts I definately need to fix that. You have no I dea how much you have helped me. Now I need to go do some editing. *Gets out giant eraser*




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Thu Jan 19, 2006 7:54 am
Jiggity says...



Lol. yeah that's probably true.
As usual Snoink comes to the rescue...and then provides the once hapless person with a stinging critique.

Dont ask where that came from, Im as in the dark as you.




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Thu Jan 19, 2006 6:37 am
Snoink says...



"What makes you think it's not hiding?" would be the best actually, lol.




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798 Reviews


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Thu Jan 19, 2006 6:32 am
Jiggity wrote a review...



That was really enjoyable. The kid daniel is realistically childish (except for one part), and his dialogue is really fun to read. Keep it up. I found one thing:

"What makes you think it's not hiding somewhere it's dark enough to creep around without being noticed?"

that's too long. Something like this would be better: "What makes you think its not hiding in a place dark enough to creep aruond in unnoticed?"
actually thats kinda long too. You'll think of something. Anyway write on, it was really good.




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Wed Jan 18, 2006 11:36 pm



oooooooh, very mystyrious, reminds me lots about harry potter and the chamber of secrets, because of the enchanted diary/book/horocrux, very dark and mysterious start, good job




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Wed Jan 18, 2006 11:23 pm
Snoink wrote a review...



Nice story! The main thing that is holding it up is the grammar, but grammar can be easily fixed. ;)

The characters are interesting, and it is rather fun to follow. They seem to be filled with childlike curiosity, and all that. The storyline is also fun. I mean really... dragging out younger siblings is always something fun to do. And when Ben showed up and complained about the tapping on the window... awesome plot device.

Also, you kept the story moving with constant dialogue. There wasn't much description, but that is okay since most people can imagine such a scene and want to hear the dialogue.

There's only a couple of things I would change. Daniel doesn't sound young enough, and some of his dialogue sounds like a teenager wrote it. Why? Too many words, and he argues too much with himself. ;) So! Back up a little bit on that.

Also, to make it sound like going outside is creepy, or just togive a better feeling of what is outside, I would describe the nighttime happenings. Is an owl hooting? The streetlight overhead buzzing? A shadow of a cat moving across the lane? What does the dog look like in the eerie moonlight? You know, little stuff like that which can make the scene a little more creepy and foreboding than usual.

And, I think three o'clock is too late, especially given the ages of the kids. They're up, yes, and it's late, but probably not that late. :P

Now! For the grammar.

Your punctuation is rather wild, which is completely understandable. I don't understand why not, but teachers seem to be stupid about punctuation. *grumbles* But, I digress! ;)

Read your piece out loud. When ever you give a slight pause, put a comma in. Soon, you will have a feeling of where to put the commas, but for now, you have to be a little more nitpicky, otherwise you're going to miss it. Commas are used to seperate thoughts in sentences. To help you understand, look at this sentence and see what commas are in this sentence, if there are any at all.

To help you understand,

An unspecified thing is going to help you

look at this sentence and see what commas are in this sentence,

I am telling you to look at this sentence and see what commas are in it

if there are any at all.

I stop ordering you around, and go off to say a sidenote.

I hope that helps somewhat. :)

Also! Dialogue grammar is important. Basically:

"I have a hernia," he said.

Notice how there is a comma before the end of the dialogue and then a lowecase "he." This is important. If you are going to use "he said" or any other symonym of "said" then you are going to combine the sentences into one. For more information about this, go here: forum/viewtopic.php?t=3746

Good luck!





If you want to make enemies, try to change something.
— Woodrow Wilson