Snoink

It needs something else. In the greatest love stories of all time, there is always conflict that separates the lover from the loved one by some way. There seems to ...

This is too... narrative. What is the underlying meaning of this poem? You see, it doesn't have one, or if it does, its meaning is so weak that it doesn't ...

This is clever! You're talking about tweezers, aren't you? :) But really, I adore the imagery of the crow. Really fascinating stuff here! I would probably fix some of the ...

I just want to point out that this was written 3.5 years ago and Elelel really doesn't care anymore about this poem. ;) With that said: OMG, THIS POEM WAS ...

The problem with this poem is that it doesn't have any conflict. You keep on repeating how this man is your man, yet the reader is unaware why this man, ...

The lack of punctuation seems really odd. I don't know how to punctuate, so you'll have to figure that out, but yay? How my father sighs when the ink from ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! :D This may sound silly, but I think this would really be cool if it were completely soppy. Right now, it's slightly detached and while ...

She walked out onto the street And saw that all was ash And no photographs were made. All the lights were sleeping And flowers bled from her palms. She spoke ...

You need to say that the person is searching for love quickly, or else the reader will be confused. ;) But still. This poem is slightly boring because you're telling ...

This poem doesn't have any... love behind it. I mean, you say the word and it's obvious that there's some sort of physical attraction between the narrator and the girl, ...

anger, hate, shame, lies.

Awww... this is cute! We love obnoxious marching bands! Anyway, you're right. Something isn't quite right. First of all, try breaking it up! That way, it's easier to read and ...

Awww, this is cute! It reads a little bit too much like a story now, since you lay out the evidence all nicely. I suggest taking away some of the ...

First off, I think you emphasize the fact that it wasn't a dream a bit too much. ;) With that said, I think it would be super cool if you ...

The ending doesn't seem to pack any punch. Look at it. What do you want to emphasize in the poem? The duel nature of the child? How mysterious and ambiguous ...