Published March 26, 2008
so shiny and silver.
I could be carted away and cherished
by a crow, and
it would be a more pleasant existence,
up,
all alone, in a nest,
than this endless drudgery.
pinch and release, pinch and release
with my small sharp jaws
I cut away smooth, thin slivers
hard and translucent half-moons
fall
to the floor.
sometimes then the corner of my
two curved teeth
is wedged gently under a toenail
and pries out dirt and
a small woolen knob
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140,293 Literary Works • 673,080 Reviews
Hmm, nail cutters? Well, I liked your poem. It was clever. I agree that they are not appreciated but they are well-needed. So sad.
Welcome to YWS!
Hehe... Nail clippers. I swear, one of man's best inventions ever. But yes, they are sadly under appreciated and abused. Nice job drawing attention to them.
I liked the poem. It was short and sweet. The one awkward line break was
"fall
to the floor"
I didn't like this one. The other strange one (with 'up') actually felt fine to me. It was this one that seemed to throw it out of balance.
Very nice poem. I really liked it.
Welcome to YWS! I look forward to seeing you around more!
~GryphonFledgling
This is clever! You're talking about tweezers, aren't you?
But really, I adore the imagery of the crow. Really fascinating stuff here!
I would probably fix some of the line breaks. Right now, some of them are really awkward. Just play with it for a while--if you can make such an amusing poem, I'm sure you can play with line breaks. ^_^
There are two (as I see it) problems. One is an easy fix... I would delete the first line. But the last line... it's like you're missing something there and I can't put my finger on it. So yay?
Anyway! Clever poem. I hope to see you on more on YWS.