Some Where Out There

IT was cool! I don't now how to correct poems but other wise it was good! The second to last line i think had a spelling error.

I liked the simplicity, but a little... detail... please? Also, first thing I noticed (as in, before I could even finish the first stanza) was the distracting caps. I mean, I'm into random (obviously) but the caps going crazy all over the poem totally threw me off.
Could you find a way to adapt the first stanza with the repeated "there"s too? I'm with Adnamarine, I like the idea of searching for love, and the writer feeling that so powerfully that they see it as something they HAVE to succeed at, but the repeated "there" is unecessary and annoying. Lastly, you have "is" repeated in the last stanza.
Besides that, I'd say you were right on! RG

Kix39 wrote:Look Out there
Way over there
Look Out there

I search And Search
All day and night
All to find nothing

But Someday I Will find it
What I'm looking for
The one thing that truly belongs

That One thing
I MUST find
Once I find it I will sing

That One thing I need
That one is is Love
I will find it, I will Succeed

i'll agree with leja on this one. what does love have to do with success? or maybe you're talking about succeeding in finding love?

i think if you made this longer, elaborated a bit, i'd understand it better.

First of all I liked this peice and that is because of the meaning that I got from it. I didn't get that big of an impact from the meaning because for a moment I got confused and had to go back and re-read. I really think that it needs to be more elaborated though. The capitalization in random places really distracted me.

Heh=] Other then that to me it's a good poem and has potiental of being a better poem because you already have the good one here. Keep writing.

Keisha-Ann

After reading this poem, the biggest question I have is "why do you need love to succeed?" Sorry if that sounds slightly cynical; it's not a general life question, just one to respond to what's here. But it begs the question of why the narrator "MUST" find love in order to live her life. What happens if she doesn't find it? I think the poem as a whole focuses on an indeterminable "it" that only delays the biggest question it can ask. Always ask "why?" You have a solid idea, but I think it could breathe a little more.

While I do like the simplicity of this poem, it does need more detail, a bit more fleshing out. The random capitalization and lack of punctuation doesn't quite add to it either.

-Jen

Beautiful. Well written

I agree. It would be cool if you added some of those extra stuff *look at Snoink's message* because to me, I didn't get much of a feeling out of this.

The One thing
I MUST find
Once I find it I will sing

destracting caps. for MUST, however I might use italics. Imagery would be a great idea to add to this poem, and like Snoink said, say that the person is searching for love sooner, because I understood where it was going, but my friends would get confuzzled. I think that if you polished this poem off a bit, it could be a really great piece.

You need to say that the person is searching for love quickly, or else the reader will be confused.

But still. This poem is slightly boring because you're telling us that you need to search for love. But doesn't everybody? I think it would be a lot more interesting if you told us about your search for love, adding extra flourishes and stuff. Then it would be really cool.

Good luck!

I like it but you need punctionuation it seems to be one run on sentence if you don't add commas or periods to start off.

Also I didn't really like the first stanza (posted below)

Look Out there
Way over there
Look Out there

Don't repeat the same end "there" it gets annoying.
Other than that your poem was good.
If you have any questions feel free to PM me if needed.

SimonCowellLuver

Wow. This was touching. I'm usually bad at grasping concepts but you made this so simple yet complicated at the same time...Beautiful.

D7M

Thanks! This is my 2ed piece and I love doing this! Please keep the comments coming!

I agree with Adna. This poem doesn't make a huge impact on me. This seems more like a skeletal idea that needs to be fleshed out. Describe the search, show us more of "out there", show us the longing you feel for this thing. Maybe you ran into obstacles? Describe them. Also, erratic capitalization doesn't add anything. Punctuate and capitalize as you would in prose unless you have a darn good reason.

This isn't a bad idea, you just need to explore it further. Keep writing!

I have to say, having those extra words capitalized is distracting. And you have no punctuation in this; it desperately needs punctuation.

You need more imagery in this. I like the first lines, "Look out there, Way over there."
I think it wouldn't be bad to build off of that a bit, describe the searching maybe, describe where they're searching.

You need to elaborate on your ideas, maybe make this longer. Sorry I don't have time for a longer review. I'll come back to this sometime:)

Keep writing!


*adna*

I really love the existencial theme of your piece. Deep, very deep. *finger snap applaus* *finger snap applaus* ~LM

I like this peice. It was better than your other poem.