Published March 21, 2008
[pre]Caught in the rhythm
Trapped by the beat
My fingers moving free of my will
In counts of three she sings the song
Voice bound not by words,
I hear clearly anyhow
Notes slide by, the wires cut in
My eyes lose track of the paper
Suddenly I’m gone, and the steps count out my breath
Bound by the met-ro-nome
Snared by the stream
Rules are gone, music is left- truer than a lie
The chance to pull back long lost
I let myself be swayed by her tide
Buoyed by her crescendo and fall
All at once her song has faded
Leaving me broken, empty, brimming
Somehow my hand pries free, my bow drops
As I sink, they stand, they clap, they smile
In my head, her song echoes- one-two-three, one-two-three
I wish I was back in her cage[/pre]
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I wrote this, as you may've guessed, about a piece I played in front of an actual (horrors, horrors) audience. If you don't play music, you'll probably have trouble understanding, just because. Please critique! i know it needs work!
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140,533 Literary Works • 673,403 Reviews
I would play with the spacing a little bit so that each line had a syllable count that was six, almost as if you had eighth note 3/4 pattern.
Anyway, play around with it more and show us what comes out of it. 
Also... what instrument?
It was well thoght out, but a little Spacey over all. Maybe better word choice might have made it jump out more.
I liked it overall. But the problem was it didn't catch my attention right away and hold it. I had to force myself to read all the way to the end.