Snoink

Ugh! I hated the imagery! Any mention of surgery and cutting makes me feel twitchy. Don't ask... it involves an almost-tragedy with me and a chainsaw. Slightly traumatizing... Anyway. That ...

Hmm... I don't really find it interesting that she has a secret that she's keeping from the guy who she supposedly (shallowly?) loves. It just... not that interesting. It's not ...

The rhythm is good but... it doesn't really say anything. Are these the only thoughts that go through your head as you think about this sort of stuff? I don't ...

You're only describing the physical conditions of loneliness. The eyes closed shut, the empty room are all physical manifestations of loneliness. All right. But we need to know what the ...

Change the ending so that we know why the break up happened and why she got with his best friend. Right now, it's too vague in that regard, so the ...

Hi! Welcome to YWS! I shall hopefully be helpful, maybe. I think. Okay! First poetic lesson: when writing poetry, you must constantly ask yourself, "Why am I writing this?" and ...

Get rid of the repetition--it adds nothing to your poem. Really. With that said, I like the metaphor you use with the sea of people. :) I think it would ...

This is a horribly creepy poem. Seriously. It sounds like a stalker wrote who is going to stalk the poor girl for a long, long, time. I would run away ...

Cute! :D I would change this: “You say ‘so’ a lot.” “Focus!” this: “You say ‘so’ a lot.” “So focus!” But yeah! I liked this a lot. Very cute. :) ...

I'm so sorry. This sort of stuff should never happen, yet it does. But you aren't alone. Really. I had a similar thing happen to me at work with another ...

Second's one slightly better because it includes some character, but both are rather boring since it's just a bunch of names and descriptions of something that seems so fake. There ...

...geep! When I first read it, I thought this was supposed to be funny, but judging by the comments, that doesn't seem to be the case, unless of course, everybody's ...

Hmmm... right now, the beginning of this poem and the ending don't seem to connect. You try to connect a song playing over and over in your head with why ...

I would take the first stanza and then twist it around a little bit. :) So then it might look like: Boy sees girl. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. ...

Ew... your teacher is mean. As Clau said, with this is a sort of poem that is really really hard to critique. So, considering the strict format you have to ...