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Re: Lust
I agree with all previous statements. :D I love you. And I lust after you. Okay, THIS^^^^^^^^^ is giving two contradictory images. HOW can you both love and lust after ...
Sun Dec 23, 2007 9:20 am -
Re: God Knew
It's good. At first, I thought it was going to be a bit preachy, but it's good :D:D:D:D I suggest you get into depth with this. Repeating "God knew that ...
Sun Dec 23, 2007 9:03 am -
Re: The Mustangs: Part 7
Intersting. A bit confusing, but interesting. "I'm Brooke," the girl whispered into Nightmare's ear as if she could define the human words. Brooke gently stroked Nightmare's black coat, back and ...
Fri Dec 21, 2007 2:23 am -
Re: Sad song
I suggest you take out the 'Hector: Jesus:' part. Instead, have the Lord's words in italics, throughout the song. That way, it can be a surprise at the end. Other ...
Fri Dec 21, 2007 12:21 am -
Re: The Winter Gardens
Very good. Love the reference to Pink Floyd :D:D:D The only thing is... I think you can do better with the end. It sounds a little preachy, making it kill ...
Fri Dec 21, 2007 12:15 am -
Re: A Band Called "The Fakes"
Ah... I see. You need to go into depth with this Hearts. All we can see is the anger, and anger is usually a mask for another emotion. :smt056 Why ...
Fri Dec 21, 2007 12:06 am -
Re: A Little poem I wrote...
:D My first suggestion... really go into depth here. Why do you miss the person so much? Do you feel guilt, confusion, apprehension? We need to know what you feel. ...
Thu Dec 20, 2007 11:40 pm -
Re: Hazy Days
Interesting. :D:D I think you can show a lot more with this. I mean, we can tell you care about the person, and that they are gone for some reason. ...
Thu Dec 20, 2007 10:23 pm -
Re: Land of Sky, Land of Rain (Chapter Six)
Welll... I didn't read the whole thing. :(:(:(:(:(:( The magnitude of the Nedra doesn't really hit. I mean, it just sounds like a giant lion with super powers. :D Read ...
Thu Dec 20, 2007 9:41 pm -
Re: The Others Remake
Interesting piece. :D I gazed down at the brightly lit underground city from my perch on the top of an apartment building. This seems a bit crammed together. The many ...
Thu Dec 20, 2007 7:04 am -
Re: Abandoned DD12
Interesting. :D:D:D She, herself, was one, and never knew her real father This is confusing. Is she a celebrity love child, or just a love child? Also, it makes your ...
Sat Dec 15, 2007 10:42 pm -
Re: Blue Princess #2
Interesting. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D I ran outside and let out a gasp as I saw slow flakes as big as my palm and softer and lighter than a feather spiral down around ...
Sat Dec 15, 2007 10:32 pm -
Re: Giant Wolves/Elements Ch. 8
CHAYONZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Haven't heard from you in a while. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D How are you? Nami woke with a start. She looked at her opened door through which Hart had just come throu
Sat Dec 15, 2007 7:43 pm -
Re: Faith: Chapter Six
Sorry about that... anyway, on to the crit :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D It was hovering in the dusty air, fingers clenching and unclenching. A sickly wave of dark magic washed over me, but ...
Sat Dec 15, 2007 6:00 am -
Re: What you said
Love the last line.:D You say to me that life is a breeze, but mine has turned to a storm. You say for me to take a break, but this ...
Fri Dec 14, 2007 1:07 am
