((Okay, this chapter is rather short, but come on, there is always atleast one short chapter in a book.))
Nightmare just stood there, her head pointed to the sky as if she were calling to the gods. The human girl she had learned to tolerate rushed towards her, an over enthusiastic smile on her face as she laid a gentle hand on Nightmare's withers.
"I'm Brooke," the girl whispered into Nightmare's ear as if she could define the human words. Brooke gently stroked Nightmare's black coat, back and fourth, in a rhythmic motion. Nightmare made no attempts to run, she just let Brooke stroke her. In her mind, she was still debating whether to run and buck like a mad man, or let the human girl lead her to the stables. Being unlike herself, Nightmare let Brooke walk her to her stall.
As they walked Nightmare thought of Rebel Yell. His dun coat, and the sorrow she had seen in his eyes the first day they met. His dark mane that he loved to shake as if he was running through fields upon fields, the wind sending his hair flying. The poor foal had lost his mother, just like Nightmare had lost him. Her eyes clouded and she let her head drop, nearly letting it touch to floor. Oh! How she missed her friend. She wished that she would be the one to accompany him when it was his first time in the pasture alone, with the bigger horses.
Nightmare let out a low, mournful neigh, wishing her and Rebel Yell could run through the pastures in spring when the flowers bloomed and birds flew overhead heading towards their nests full of baby birds. They would run like mother and son, running like they didn't give a damn about the world. Running like there would be no tomorrow. Running like they were trying to escape. In many ways Nightmare was trying to escape. Trying to escape this stable. Trying to escape this strange land. Most of all, trying to escape the fact that she wasn't Rebel Yell's mother, and she would never be a mother to her own foal.
Brooke glanced down at Nightmare and patted her head reassuringly, although she could have never guessed what was wrong......
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Intersting. A bit confusing, but interesting.
:D:D:D Look at how the horses around you react when their buddy leaves. 
Make it like they ARE escaping. Knowing Nightmare, there is no 'try' in her vocabulary 
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D We just need input from Brooke. I mean, how can she not notice that her favorite horse is mournful? 
:D:D:D:D:D
"I'm Brooke," the girl whispered into Nightmare's ear as if she could define the human words. Brooke gently stroked Nightmare's black coat, back and fourth, in a rhythmic motion. Nightmare made no attempts to run, she just let Brooke stroke her. In her mind, she was still debating whether to run and buck like a mad man, or let the human girl lead her to the stables. Being unlike herself, Nightmare let Brooke walk her to her stall
This is a bit choppy. 'Mad man' sounds odd too. You can just start it with "Nightmare ignored the gentle words and the stroke..." etc.
Her eyes clouded and she let her head drop, nearly letting it touch to floor. Oh! How she missed her friend. She wished that she would be the one to accompany him when it was his first time in the pasture alone, with the bigger horses
Why doesn't Brooke notice? Also, this seems a bit undignified for Nightmare. I would expect her to react differently.
Nightmare let out a low, mournful neigh, wishing her and Rebel Yell could run through the pastures in spring when the flowers bloomed and birds flew overhead heading towards their nests full of baby birds. They would run like mother and son, running like they didn't give a damn about the world. Running like there would be no tomorrow. Running like they were trying to escape. In many ways Nightmare was trying to escape. Trying to escape this stable. Trying to escape this strange land. Most of all, trying to escape the fact that she wasn't Rebel Yell's mother, and she would never be a mother to her own foal.
Not 'trying to escape.' 'Free' would work better.
Overall, much more personal, much, much better.
PM me if you have any quesitons