Published December 12, 2007
You say to me that life is a breeze,
but mine has turned to a storm.
You say for me to take a break,
but this break has torn my arm.
You say for me to stop and chill,
but bodies do that in the ground.
You say that I should stop being stressed,
but I can't 'til I'm under a mound.
You say that you will never leave,
but my heart's still filled with dread.
You say all of these things to me,
but what have you truly said?
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141,698 Literary Works • 675,576 Reviews
Love the last line.
:D:D:D:D:D
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
You say to me that life is a breeze,
but mine has turned to a storm.
You say for me to take a break,
but this break has torn my arm.
You can portray this anguish a lot better. Why does this person think your life is a breeze? What can't they see?
You say for me to stop and chill,
but bodies do that in the ground.
You say that I should stop being stressed,
but I can't 'til I'm under a mound
Again, you can portray this better. What is the urgency? Why are you so worried about chilling?
You say that you will never leave,
but my heart's still filled with dread.
You say all of these things to me,
but what have you truly said?
Again, nice ending, but seems to almost overdo you climax. We need more info in the body of the piece.
Other than that, I liked it. Keep writing