SeraphTree

Yes, cliche, but understandable since you made it so long ago ;) I suggest you elaborate more. add a few examples, etc. :D That's all I can think of :D

Please space between paragraphs. :D Then I will crit. :D:D:D:D:D:D

Your language is extremely stilted. This makes it no fun to read. I mean, we really cant feel for your character at all. She's just pleasantly describing everything to us. ...

I agree with Stella about John asking her out. I mean, since they only met in class, and otherwise [from what I gather] didn't talk to eachother, it makes his ...

*o*" You need to put spaced between your paragraphs. Also, you should probably break this into two posts, because this is huge!!!!!! ;) :D:D:D

Well, what I first noticed was that there seems to be a lot of focus on Arion's friends and what they're doing. We don't really get anything from her. I ...

Allo Ari. :D There were a couple of things I noticed... It’s hard to realize just how much you’re missing until it’s gone. This sounds unfinished :D Please reword. I ...

:D:D Since I'm in the neighborhood.... Ice. Cold agaisnt my hard feet but yet not bothersome. The harsh wind was at my back and racing past my ears, blocking all ...

Well, there was a few things I noticed. :D This one is planning to propose to his girlfriend tonight, this one was tragically widowed a few months ago This is ...

It's good, but a little confusing in some parts. “I have me,” He pointed out. “Exactly.” This is too vague. I have no idea what you mean by this. “Do ...

:D I could already taste the meat in my mouth, but that moment was soon to be ruined. There was a horrific smash to my side, which started bleeding, the ...

You need to space between paragraphs :D A couple things :D she fit snuggly in the palm of his hand Okay, she is REALLY small. I mean, like months premature ...

:D:D:D Father, curled up in a womb I understand that this is the child, but I'm confused about your imagery of the father's demons. What are they? We need more ...

Your climax was good- really grabbed me. :D The first half was a little slow, and your imagery was rather confusing. I couldn't tell if they were going to be ...

I know EXACTLY what you are talking about ;) The thing is, we need more details here. :D There's no way to explain that feeling in my stomach This sounds ...