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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
This is epic for a fifth-grader to write about, but so what if it was a bit cliched, you were in fifth grade. I dare say that's pretty well for a fifth grader, also very deep for a fifth-grader to think and write about.
Best of luck to you.
For a fifth-grader this is pretty awesome if you ask me! =)
Yes, 'tis a bit cliché, but I don't actually mind that. Before angry mobs begin to flock my dining room, screeching that I'm not fit to critique, I will explain myself: cliché themes are actually alright, especially this one because it's what you were actually thinking. Though I don't want to read the same thing over and over, I also don't want writers to not speak (or I should say write) their mind for fear of writing something that's already been done. As long as you add your own literary style, it can be very good... as was this piece. It's interesting to see how your style has changed.
That should be "too many."----
I don't know much about poetry, and the only line-by-lines I could fine were these:
This whole stanza doesn't make sense to me, but I think there's something grammatically wrong with the bold line.
----
Other than that, I'd suggest you add some punctuation. I love some of the images, by the way, like the one about the hearts growing thorns. ^_^
Anyway, I'm sorry this critique is rather short (and probably unhelpful) but, like I said before, poetry isn't exactly my thing.
Hope this helps!
~Azila~
I liked it. For fifth grade, this is considerable talent. *is tinged with a little green*
Yeah, it's a little cliche, but you wrote it well. The language was nice, if a little simple, and the rhyme scheme wasn't forced or anything.
The ending was a little confusing. I wasn't quite sure what you were trying to say. Perhaps you could elaborate a little more on it?
Anyway, nice job. I know that you wrote it a long time ago, but it's not quite as hopeless as you seem to think.
Good luck.
~GryphonFledgling
Camille!
I really liked this!
Yes, cliche, but understandable since you made it so long ago
That's all I can think of 
I suggest you elaborate more. add a few examples, etc.