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Sapphire

  • Poetry » Other, General Re: on my bicycle

    Sorry for taking so long to review this! I'm not going to do a line-by-line crit because you don’t need it. In fact, I could only pick out a couple ...

    Nov 26, 2008
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: Paul and Suzanne

    What I liked about this was how much you managed to convey in so few lines. You tell us a love story and the story of a family, and the ...

    Oct 11, 2008
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: Esmeralda

    Hiya! There was a lot that I liked about this poem. I don't actually feel like it needs more narrative elements (perhaps it should be in 'Other Poetry'?) because to ...

    Oct 11, 2008
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: To an Unloved Rose.

    I thought 'Very Emily Dickinson' before I even read your last reply! I loved this, basically. :lol: However, I'm going to question the capitalisation too, even though you're probably sick ...

    Oct 9, 2008
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: Heartache's Victim

    Hi! I wasn't sure about this at first because of its structure (lots of questions!), but there are elements that could make a good poem. Why is Cupid So cruel ...

    Oct 9, 2008
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: Tightrope Walking

    Hey! Haven't reviewed one of your poems in a while, so thought I'd take a look at this one. This won't actually be much of a critique, because I really ...

    Sep 26, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: How I survived high school: chapter 1

    I’m really sorry for taking so long to review this! I started it at the beginning of the week but have been swamped with work! I’m mostly going to point ...

    Sep 26, 2008
  • Short Story » Action / Adventure, General Re: -Entry deleted-

    Hey! First, I've gone through the piece making punctuation suggestions and pointing out sections that I didn't think quite worked, then I have a couple of overall comments at the ...

    Sep 23, 2008
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: I never told you I loved you

    Welcome to YWS! The first thing I would say is to look out for punctuation. "You cant catch me!" I cry . 'Cant' should be can't because it is a ...

    Sep 21, 2008
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Armchair Poet

    I thought this was quite witty. I especially liked the end, and I much prefer the new line breaks. Silly me, I didn't realise the speaker was talking to him/herself ...

    Sep 17, 2008
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Just One Thing

    We share so many things, You and I: Love and fear, pain and angst. You go on later to say that the difference between them is love, so you need ...

    Sep 15, 2008
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: An Ant's Tale

    An Ant's Tale The quest : it begins and I scurry around, my brethren with me, all searching for something to eat; That punctuation mark is my only suggestion. :lol: ...

    Sep 15, 2008
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: the plunge.

    Hi! I thought you had some good ideas, but this seemed unfinished to me. Screams that could pierce any heart Float toward the blackened heavens Chaos The civilized world Gone ...

    Sep 15, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » Romantic, General Re: Every Angel Has To Fall Chapter 1 Pt 1

    Hiya! Mother She never thought she would be in this position. Do children not learn from their parents’ mistakes? Did Kerry not learn from her own mother? She dabbed a ...

    Sep 15, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: Watching Windows - Chapter 18

    I had thought that, after her husband's death, she would have wanted to be alone, but she had encouraged me to keep visiting. Our meetings were quieter now. We always ...

    Sep 15, 2008


i got called an enigma once so now i purposefully act obtuse
— chikara