Published September 24, 2008
I’m not wearing any wings
there’s no angels to hold my hand.
I have to walk this thin line on my own
with only the air to hold me up.
Crowds gather and jeer to make me falter,
they want to make me slip, they want a show.
Fear beats in my ears like a busted vein,
The cars beep and screech their tyres on the road.
My arms spread out as wide as sails,
as the winds blow like one simply breath from you.
I’m walking through my world to yours
In this dancing limbo, there’s no such thing as turning back.
And still, as sweat and tears begin to drown my eyes
I see someone standing on the other side,
on the theatre roof, calling my name
I’ll never have to make this journey again.
I’m tightrope walking,
through the clear dawn light.
Balancing on your heartstring,
not worried if I fall in love.
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Good day to you Eimear,
I really enjoyed your poem, it's so original and shows a point of view rarely thought of. I can understand the tightrope walker's feelings of uncertainty and fear. The end had to be my favorite part, then again ends are always my favorite but, not because they are over. Endings are like new beginnings they always strike me as enduring and powerful.
This was a perfect way to end your poem, clear and deep. I'm so glad I took the time to read your amazing poem, I hope you had a fun time writing it.
With all due respect,
Mackenzie
I loved your comparison in this poem. I would hate to be a tight-rope walker, so I can feel your narrator's fear and uncertainty.
There was only one line that I had a problem with:
This didn't really make sense. I think one or two of these words isn't quite right. Is it supposed to be "...like one, simply a breath from you." or "...like one simple breath from you." Please clarify.
for the most part, your punctuation, was good, and the few mistakes have already been pointed out.
I really enjoyed the poem!
-Sea-
Posted: Thu Sep 25, 2008 5:43 am Post subject: Tightrope Walking
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I’m not wearing any wings
there’s no angels to hold my hand.
I have to walk this thin line on my own
with only the air to hold me up.
Crowds gather and jeer to make me falter,
they want to make me slip, they want a show.
Fear beats in my ears like a busted vein,
The cars beep and screech their tyres on the road.
My arms spread out as wide as sails,
as the winds blow like one simply breath from you.
I’m walking through my world to yours
In this dancing limbo, there’s no such thing as turning back.
And still, as sweat and tears begin to drown my eyes
I see someone standing on the other side,
on the theatre roof, calling my name (WHY THE THEATRE ROOF??)
I’ll never have to make this journey again.
I’m tightrope walking,
through the clear dawn light.
Balancing on your heartstring,
not worried if I fall in love.
THAT IS GREAT LOVE THE WAY IT FLOWS AND UNVEILS YOUR EMOTION
Hey! Haven't reviewed one of your poems in a while, so thought I'd take a look at this one.
This won't actually be much of a critique, because I really liked it and don't think much needs changed.
Didn't like that last line at first because I didn't realise what you were saying - she's walking on air. I love the metaphors that run throughout.
The crowds are the only aspect of the poem's content that I would question. It seems like this should only be about the two of them. Then again, perhaps other people don't want them to be together, so they're obstacles, but then 'they want to make me slip, they want a show' doesn't fit that idea.
Love the last stanza.
So, not much to say except well done!
i loved it, it is so different from all the other poems on here, i can feel the main characters fear as she walks, it must be so terrifying! i can imagen a carnaval or circus scene, bright lights and dark sky. it was really good, loved it, the flow was good and pulled the reader in easily.