Rydia

I knew what it was about straight away so don't worry about making it clearer; it's fine as it is. As for the content... I like the description in your ...

To be honest, this one was a little plain. At the moment you could remove the line breaks and it would work as prose, albeit a very short story. There's ...

This is quite cute but the anology isn't perfect because pieces tend to be connected to more than one other piece. It's well written though and it's sweet. Maybe elaborate ...

Sure I can critique this one. Let me see... In general, this was well written and very interesting but I'd have loved a description of 'the elephant man.' What exactly ...

Hi there magicman, love the story so far. Just a few specific points first - In the corner of one of the smaller drawers, a small piece of hardened bread ...

Yeah, I like the second version better and it's very well written. I'm intrigued I must say. You mention that it is a prologue and yet the main character, at ...

I think you could tidy this up with a bit more imagery, some nice description of the 'area' or the candle perhaps and then take a look at the flow. ...

I think the chorus has quite a nice rhythm to it. The words themselves need a little work and the verses could be better but I like it. What sort ...

I think that the beginning, Brad's discovery, is a touch long and repetitive. Maybe delete some of his thoughts. Other than that though, you have good characterisation and I like ...

Hehehe. Yeah, childish comes to mind but that's not necessarily bad. I think this would make a good children's poem if you tidy up the flow and perhaps take another ...

This poem was cute. That's not necessarily a good thing but I think it is here. The rhyme is really simplistic and a few sounded forced like 'teal' but you'll ...

This part was very well written and you shouldn't worry so much. It doesn't move too quickly, more detail would be nice but isn't necessary, you could make the chapter ...

Oh yes, this one is better. A few points - “Yes,” he said after a while, sounding as much a sigh as an agreement. The youth nodded briefly before leaving ...

A few specific points first - cupping his large hand around the rip [I think you mean rim?] as the general folded his arms across his chest and pressed two ...

My usual specific points first - As she plopped herself down at the kitchen bar, her mother sat [Pretty sure you meant set. the pancakes, all ready buttered with syrup ...