Rydia

I have to agree that it would be better without the repitition and perhaps you could go deeper into what he has done. Rather than just stating his deeds, describe ...

My Life Tree even seems to brighten with her song as its branches and [s]leafs[/s] leaves seem to come alive in the sunset’s glow. She said drying her tears with ...

Hi there. Just a few little suggestions my friend... It has been made more powerful than any sword has a right to be , through crushed prayers, betrayal, and tears ...

The final line is so perfect! But if she did not kill the flea then she did not prove that his fears were false (that killing the flea would kill ...

I think this is my favourite part so far. You've developed your characters really well and I'm becomming so fond of all of them. I see a love triangle developing ...

Hi Timea! This part was very good, especially when Lira and Kwest found out that Eol had been captured. Just a few specific points first - The two friends hopped ...

First off, this piece is really short so add description and try to get a bit of characterization in. Have the mother hesitate and argue more before she gives in ...

I loved the idea of communicating across time through an arcade game. That's really fresh and original. You could improve this with a little more description of your characters and ...

It's simple and repetitive and generally very pleasant. This was easy to read, even without music, and I love the first stanza. As a poem, it would probably be too ...

As it is, it's a cute little poem but I agree that it's not original enough. Who hasn't written an 'if' poem before? I certainly have and it ran along ...

There wasn't really enough action early on but the variety of sentences was good and your description was effective in places. Two specific suggestions - The dentist, a balding man ...

Your description was nice but work on characterization a touch. Also, a few specific suggestions - Lyllan was traditionally the first one walking around and the [s]villages[/s] villagers had become ...

My favourite chapter so far and yes, I thought that Delucio was always a good person deep down but he has still done some horrible things. Freeing Kiera might redeem ...

I agree that the rhyme is simple and the last line of your first stanza feels really forced. It doesn't quite fit with the rest and I think you've put ...

Hmmm.If Claudette can't understand it all then I have no chance but I can comment on your structure, use of words and imagery... Your cavities and fork-tongued smiles trace out ...