Renard

First of all, I am going to commend you on your use of natural internal monologue to evade cliché: And she looked…beautiful. Brilliant. This is my sort of writing, the ...

Ok... your descriptions are very basic, but this kind of works I suppose: 'Kyle was a tall, skinny boy, with light brown skin, brown eyes and black hair. ' You ...

Hello! Bloodink reviewing. So... 'The thing about dying is that it takes alot out of you.' This opening line is interesting to say the least and it works in the ...

Brilliant opening line! Why? Because it feels like you are talking directly to the reader. 'I would stop speaking English for you.' Love it! I also admire the way you ...

I love and appreciate what you have tried to do here. But there are quite a few things wrong with this piece. Sorry. You need to separate the lines so ...

Hey! I am only going to review the first chapter, so I can get more done today, but know that I am doing it in great depth, to give you ...

Well... firstly this piece is very long. Secondly it is very dramatic. I would comment that it is a bit cliché unfortunately: 'Before Jack could reply there was a huge ...

I have to say, that the opening of this story is very odd, and is more suited to a biography than a work of fiction. You could argue it's a ...

I love the opening and the fact it is the YWS Castle LOL! :) Nice job, it's really original actually. Anyway... I'm a little concerned with the era you're going ...

The internal monologue is great, the reader gets inside Robert's head, more than they already have and it all starts to make sense. 'She would love it if you were ...

Even the title of this, the arrogant formality screams 'Robert' at the reader and you can guess what's coming. 'I was expecting an office, not a landfill.' Brilliant description! :) ...

I have never seen so much scorn in a character than this: 'My mother shouts an inaudible yell from inside, presumably to greet me.' However, I think even for those ...

'“This new scheme will change our entire way of looking at schools."' It certainly changed my entire way of looking at schools. Why isn't real life school like this? I ...

Well. I don't think I've read a piece like this before. It's different. And intriguing, it had my interest because you had managed to make it feel as though the ...

Aww. You've got something here and it is nicely presented. Particularly the last line. I like the use of punctuation and the one stanza thing is good because it makes ...