Rei

The story is pretty good, but I felt you could do more with it. It was great the way you started it. I wasn't sure exactly what was going on ...

How could you think the pigeon was pointless? Meh. Maybe you just do't get the symbolism yet. I thought the fact that she hinted rather than actually describing it helped ...

I'm a little busy, so I can only comment on your opening. The part in italics isn't necessary. There realy is no point in telling us what the story will ...

It starts out great, though the narrative has a bit too much poetic description for my taste. When you're being vague about the past, it works. You give just the ...

This sounded like the end of a story rather than something that can stand on its own. Perhaps it would be interesting to delve deeper into the life of this ...

I don't know if you really need this prologue. It would probably be more interesting if you started with the very human drama story, and let them discover it along ...

You've definitely got a basic understanding of Japanese culture. It shows through the way the characters behave, and the way the story starts. Most of your narrative was pretty good. ...

There's not much going on in this. I'm a big believer in any story being good if it's told properly, but this was not told properly. It lacked dramatic tension ...

Yes, far too much repitiation. It seemed like you were trying to find as many ways to say the exact same thing as possible. Which is not good. Yes, you're ...

Not a good idea to post so much all at once. When a lot of people see this much, it tends to turn them off. I'll try to crit more ...

No, it wasn't too hard to read. But it didn't interest me. Only in very rare cases does it really work to start with a history lesson such as this. ...

It's an okay concept, but I don't think it really hit me the way it was supposed to. I read a lot of this kind of story, and the emotions ...

It's nice to see people who aren't afraid to have a 100% authentic voice for a character like this. In most books I've read, even everything else is there, they ...

What do people have against rhyming poems? Sometimes it seems like people will call every rhyming poem forced just because they are obvious. Which in a way they are. I ...

I tried my hand at translating the first two stanza. The first one is accurate, save for two words you added (all and but), but I don't see how you ...