You make me feel,
unlike any other.
You take away the pain
and all that I suffer.
You make me feel beautiful,
and love what's inside.
No longer do I feel insecure
and in you I do confide.
You give me confidence
and take away my fears.
You say the sweetest things
and wipe away my tears.
You take away my breath
and make me feel alive.
You're all that I want
and everything I need in my life.
And so I say to you
I love you so
and no matter what,
I'll never let you go.
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Canary word: Present
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,849 Reviews
Thank you, everyone, for your "constructive criticism."
I know it's not the best poem. It was just something I wrote one day when I was bored and thinking of my boyfriend.
Also, I know I need a better, wider vocabulary for this. Like I said though, it was just something I wrote down while I was bored.
What do people have against rhyming poems? Sometimes it seems like people will call every rhyming poem forced just because they are obvious. Which in a way they are. I liked the rhymes.
And to not being allowed to write with cliches basically means that 95% of us can't write about personal our feelings. I mean, there are reasons certain ideas become cliched. The important thing is no to avoid certain ideas, but to use whatever ideas suit your work the best.
The thing that would make this poem better is a better vocabulary, and a more personal slant on it.
I'd have to agree with Liz. It's full of cliches and forced rhyming. Poems DO NOT have to rhyme, and often if you're trying to write a serious poem, it makes it much less serious. It is really pretty and flows better than some forced rhymes, though. I have no other suggestions.
Well. Basically it's just full of cliches, with an unoriginal idea, but I know you can fix that.
Definitely fix that. Maybe keep the idea, but you need a much more intriguing first stanza to reel the reader in.
How many times have you heard that? The last line is very awkward. If your rhyme is going to be forced, either try another scheme or scrap the rhyme altogether. Would you say "in you I do confide"? If it sounds forced, change it.
How many times have you heard "fears" being rhymed with "tears"? Try something else and be more subtle.
More cliches.
And more.
It's pretty, sure, but because we've all read/heard the lines before, it doesn't make an impact. You need to think of some original imagery and personal experiences that you've been through to make it interesting to the reader.
Nice, short and simple. It didn't really touch me, but it was well-written
The only suggestion I have is using a thesaurus to find some more colorful words
Your poem is very pretty, I love it.