z

Young Writers Society



1: A Thief of Life

by Writersdomain


I don't know what this should be classified as, so I guessed fantasy fiction

Arlen closed her eyes and inhaled sharply as another wave of anxiety washed over her, shaking her air of resolve. The freezing, brown mud mixed with the rotting leaves of late fall oozed between her thin fingers, making a strange sound and quietly disturbing the eerie stillness of the chilled, rainy night. Leaves in shades of brown and red played themselves over the face of the dim moonlight, their wavering shadows tranquil on the forest floor. Arlen struggled to steady her apprehensive breathing and opened her eyes slowly, her body trembling at the tension.

“I won’t be there to save you every time, Arlen,” Erhett had said, a slight and somber smirk playing upon his lips.

How I wish you would; how I wish you could save me from myself, from what I’m doing now, thought Arlen as she squeezed her eyes shut to ward off distraught tears, struggling to build the courage to move on. She slowly stretched out her arm and sank her hand into the soft mud in front of her, tolerating a little sound in the silence of the night. Once more, she began to crawl cautiously towards the base of the wall, relieved to feel bits of soaked grass under her freezing fingers.

“You shouldn’t trust me so,” she had said to him, turning her face away in shame.

“I’d trust you with my life,” was Erhett’s soft reply, his green-gold eyes searching her expression.

He doesn’t know, thought Arlen, He doesn’t know I’m a thief and not it is too late. I cannot turn back.

Arlen bit her lip nervously as she reached the slippery stones of the wall, dark blond hair now plastered to her soaking face. She rose carefully to her feet and pressed her body against the smooth stone, her fingers caressing the wall. Sighing softly, she rested her head against the slippery stone, cherishing in the coolness which would calm and soothe her nerves.

Her thin fingers slid up the slippery wall, probing the many crevices or cracks carefully until they felt the rugged paste-like substance between the stones. The climb would be difficult in the rain, but she was confident she wouldn’t fall. Tears streaked down Arlen’s face as she looked down at her feet, still planted and sinking into the mud. She didn’t want to do it; she hated the thought of doing it, but she knew she would be killed if she didn’t. Taking hold of herself, Arlen tilted her head upwards, the rain falling silently onto her tingling face as she observed the dim light coming from the open window above, delicate, satin curtains being tossed gently in the soft breeze. All was silent save the faint sound of leisurely humming from above.

Another fresh wave of guilt tore through Arlen at the sound of the duke’s humming, sounding so gentle… so unsuspecting. This is wrong; this is betrayal. Now I need your strength, Erhett, now I need you to protect me, she thought as tears threatened to spill from her now glittering gray eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she choked as she tightened her fingers around a protruding stone and swung herself up, beginning the climb. Time seemed to slow as she scaled the wall silently. The gentle breeze had departed, stilling the curtains above and you could have heard every that fell to the marshy land before if not for the continuing, soft, dreamy humming of the man above. Will you ever be able to forgive me? She wondered as she thought of Erhett once more. He had been her tool in all this and now she was appalling herself by betraying him.

When Arlen finally reached the ledge, she hesitated slightly and then curled her fingers around the ledge of the window and peeked into the room, seeing the duke of Grangen sitting in his chair, reading and humming.

It’s better to do it quickly so you don’t have to think about it. Don’t stare into his eyes, just get the job done, Arlen reminded herself as she climbed up onto the ledge, her stomach in knots, heart in throat.

Upon seeing her, the duke dropped his book to the polished hardwood floor and scrambled to his feet, leaning on his canopy bed for support. Eyes wide in disbelief, he opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. The Duke Ermeahl took a deep breath, still staring at her in horror. “Arlen? What are you doing? You’re not supposed to be here.”

With trembling hands, Arlen drew her dagger, tears now pouring down her cold face and lower lip trembling as she stared at him sorrowfully.

The duke stared into her eyes and his face fell in distraught understanding. “Arlen, you don’t have to do this,” he whispered, more calmly now, his eyes brimming with pity.

“Yes… I do,” Arlen whispered in a choked voice, her chest aching sharply, “You know I have to.”

“Arlen…” the duke said in compassion, “We’ve protected these past few years Do you still not believe we can continue?” the duke began to approach her, holding his hand out to comfort her, “If this stops here, I will make sure no one ever finds out. You don’t have to do this.”

“No! You don’t understand. I have to do this or he will kill me!” shouted Arlen through her weeping and with that, she lunged forward and plunged the dagger into his chest.

The duke’s eyes froze suddenly and he stumbled backwards, clutching at the dagger in his chest in shock before falling to the floor with a loud thud, his outstretched hand falling to the ground, body trembling.

Arlen stood over him, weeping. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t strong enough. I’m so sorry,” she whispered over and over until she looked up abruptly at a gasp from the doorway. When she caught the green-gold eyes of the man in the doorway, her heart seemed to break in two.

Erhett was in the doorway, staring at her, tears in his eyes. He had seen the whole thing. “I trusted you!” his eyes said, brimming with a deep hurt and betrayal.

“Erhett!” Arlen wept as she fell to her knees in grief, “I’m sorry I couldn’t-“

“You used me, Arlen,” Erhett said as he stared at her in hurt, “I was your tool, your doorway to get to him, to get my cousin, to get to the man I was sworn to protect!”

Arlen looked up at him, tears now gushing from her eyes, “I’m so sorry, Erhett,” she choked. “Will you ever be able to forgive me?” she cried.

“Arlen… why?” he choked in anguish.

“He would have killed me. I tell you, he would have!” Arlen wept, bury her face in her hands.

“I could have protected you. We all could have protected you, but you’ve killed the duke. Now you’ll be killed!” Erhett’s broken voice rose.

“But- but you wouldn’t turn me in…” Arlen stared at him in horror, “Would you? Would you really tell them?” When he did not answer, Arlen reached out to him, “Erhett!”

“It is my duty as his bodyguard to kill you, Arlen,” Erhett backed away slowly, tears in his eyes as he choked out the words.

Arlen cried out and covered her face

“But I cannot kill you,” He sounded so broken and betrayed it made Arlen want to shut her ears. With that, he fled from the room, from her, leaving her still kneeling on the ground, weeping.

Arlen cried bitterly over the dead body of the duke, realizing how much pain she had caused. She felt as if she were wrapped in a trance, her cheeks numb and tingling from her tears. No, she was no ordinary thief. She was a thief of life.

~

Okay, this is my first short story... well, actually it's my first PART of a story. I really need to know if I'm going too fast, too slow, need more description and stuff like that. I welcome any suggestions or criticism.


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31 Reviews


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Thu Aug 18, 2005 9:24 am
Akisha says...



This is very, very good! I don't really have any criticism for you! I really enjoyed this. Really looking forward to reading more of this story! Keep up the good work =D>




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Sat Jul 09, 2005 6:19 pm
Caligula's Launderette wrote a review...



oooo...nothing's better than a good ol betrayel. this really intrigued me...carry on. After I got passed the fact that it's a little hard to read for me do to formatting I really liked it.

I don't have any advice to give you except: continue.

cheers CL




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Thu Jun 30, 2005 3:00 am
Writersdomain says...



Thank you , Reichieru!




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685 Reviews


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Wed Jun 29, 2005 5:06 pm
Rei wrote a review...



It starts out great, though the narrative has a bit too much poetic description for my taste. When you're being vague about the past, it works. You give just the right amount of information for the reader to not be confused. However, I thought you were being too vague about the present situation. When you introduced the duke, I was a bit thrown off because I didn't realize she what Arlen was doing, why, or what her relationship with this duke was. The pace also shifts a little, and some of the narrative detail drop out. It felt as though you didn't properly understand the character's situation and how one would feel in her place.





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