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Re: high surf ll cliff edges crumble ll never turn your back on the ocean
Hey! Pretty good altogether, but you need to focus (primarily) on run-ons and punctuation. Here's one for example: “I bet it was John,” she said aloud, and was momentarily surprised ...
Jan 12, 2015 -
Re: Sorry Doesn't Cut It
Hey! Super powerful, and... wow really catchy. Not much to say, aside from replacing some words with others for a more consistent syllabic flow. Ex; All the songs you’ve never ...
Jan 12, 2015 -
Re: A Look Through My Eyes.
Hey. So overall it's a decent piece, but the empathetic emotion you're trying to convey (through the ability of the reader to relate to challenge, adversity, etc) seems very arbitrary. ...
Jan 12, 2015 -
Re: Where is your god?
Aside from not logically or religiously making sense my only qip is about your overall structure. I feel as if you could end each stanza with the introducing line. For ...
Dec 5, 2014 -
Re: My guardian.
I don't like the flow contrast between the first half and the second half. I do however like the comparisons and parallels between light/dark and good/evil and thus her/you. I ...
Dec 5, 2014 -
Re: Fire Fighter
Hey I feel as if you could play around the idea of fire a little bit more. You wordplayed around 'hot,' and 'fire,' for example by using "erupt," why don't ...
Nov 26, 2014 -
Re: Struggling Hard to Experience
Jeez I love blackout poems. I only wonder what kind of article you chose to blackout to achieve such a profound and emotional piece! Anyways I really, really like it ...
Nov 26, 2014 -
Re: Drug called Ignoring
Hi, The poem's content and direction seem really good and relatable and so my only qip about it is the structure and syllabic flow. The more a poem flows together, ...
Nov 26, 2014 -
Re: The Lost Psalm
I feel as if the syllabic flow is really inconsistent, or at least choppy. Makes sure you hit home on your structure and stick to it. As you write, read ...
Nov 25, 2014
