Fire Fighter

Awesome lyrics. What kind of genre would this go into? Also, i like that the words "Fire Fighter" didn't actually appear in the song. I guess you can say that I like it when the actual title doesn't appear in the song. Still though, I love the message. I feel like these lyrics can really help those boys and girls out there that are going through such a horrible situation. Nice work! -Icewinifredd

Hey I feel as if you could play around the idea of fire a little bit more. You wordplayed around 'hot,' and 'fire,' for example by using "erupt," why don't you attempt to do something similar with the water?

"but her hopes would never drown"

What about in a previous line they (society that's trying to conform everyone to a mainstream, I assume) try to throw water on her to put out this fire that makes her so different. And although the fire does get put out temporarily, she still won't drown.


Anyways keep it up, it had promise! Just work on some wordplay. Another BIG tip that helped me A LOT when I wrote tons of music was that you can literally cut out anything unnecessary and it will sound 10x better.

Take this for example:
"They tried to hold her down

but her hopes would never drown

They called her names

She never took the blame"

Compare that to this:

"They tried to hold her down

her hopes would never drown

Calling her some names

But never took the blame"


Anyways good luck, and don't give up!

This is one of the first songs I have reviewed, I think. It's been awhile since I've given a review, but bear with me anyway. this is an interesting song, well an interesting start anyway. Regardless I love where you are going with this. I really hope to see more of this song take shape, and be sure to message me when you do finish it. Onto some critiques.

My first comment is that the topic of the song wasn't what I expected, and the first few lines made me wonder how you would bring in the "Firefighter" part. You definitely brought it together, and made that work. However I do have a problem. If you are going to label the chorus, then label it all. Verse 1, Verse 2, and say Chorus. Also make sure that after your first Chorus that you separate it, I was unaware where the chorus actually stopped, so I was forced to guess. I wasn't fully aware until the second chorus.

Fangirl42 had a point when she said that you should somehow write a story into the Verses. Other than that it has a wonderful start. Like I said be sure to label everything. I do want to see the end of this song as you progress it. So be sure to send me a PM when you upload the rest, or send me some of it if you want an opinion. I enjoyed reading/singing to myself this piece. Until next time, Happy Writing.




XD
Deadman

I think that this is a great start. It needs to be longer. Also, maybe you should add a story or two into the lyrics. That would make it more heartfelt. I think with a little bit of work this could be even better!